DumbFunnery

May 1 (Monday)
Yes, April showers.
May baths. June apply perfume.
Odorous August.

May 2 (Tuesday)
Online training class
Instructor’s persistent pep
Greeted with smileys

May 3 (Wednesday)
First trail jog since trip
Good news: ankle feels ok!
Bad news: trails still tough.

May 4 (Thursday)
Upcoming weekend:
Eating and drinking too much
(Pal’s bachelor trip)

May 5 (Friday)
Airport employees
Proving that life can go on
With soul sucking looks

May 6 (Saturday)
A day of drinking
Eight breweries visited
…I feel disgusting

May 7 (Sunday)
Traveling with bloat:
Tales of a Bachelor Party
Over age thirty

May 8 (Monday)
“Sure, *I’M* the bad guy …
“Wait, I should emphasize *the*!”
Then he kicked a dog

May 9 (Tuesday)
Looking back on life,
The old man wept and yelled out,
“Wish I’d had more tots!!!”

May 10 (Wednesday)
Need to train the dog
To have strategic BMs
To fertilize lawn

May 11 (Thursday)
Quick Q for the pres,
To disguise wetting the bed …
Do you burn down house???

May 12 (Friday)
Past self, you moron.
Tomorrow’s race day trail run?
Twenty-five miles. 😬😢

May 13 (Saturday)
10 mile nice jog
15 miles of sadness
Then sweet, sweet nothing

May 14 (Sunday)
Mother’s Day you fools!
Be sweet! Be nice! Do some chores!
BUT ONLY TODAY.

May 15 (Monday)
Pulled some weeds today
I was all “HYAH!,” “TAKE THAT!”
And they were all like “…”

May 16 (Tuesday)
Twitter, the place for:
Blinding political rage,
And a good chuckle

May 17 (Wednesday)
Saw my race photos
How can I look so slow while
Rocking monster thighs

May 18 (Thursday)
“Hey guys, it’s snowing!”
“Yeah, it’s May, it snows sometimes.”
OK, not fun guy.

May 19 (Friday)
Party at neighbors
Social skills GO! … Start? … Appear?!? …
How’s this work again?

May 20 (Saturday)
Glance at to do list
Then, two hour break watching
Casually Explained

May 21 (Sunday)
Just living the dream:
Playing sports video games
And, watching playoffs

May 22 (Monday)
First jog in some time
Makes me feel like the tin man
All creaking and stiff

May 23 (Tuesday)
With a pregnant wife
You might worry about me
But, it’s cool, I’m fine

May 24 (Wednesday)
French bread pizza night!
With bonus tradition of:
Feeling grossly full

May 25 (Thursday)
Not sure, but I think
Motivation’s a creature
That lives off of sweets

May 26 (Friday)
Ultrasounds are weird
Tech, nonchalant, “here’s a foot”
Me: THE THING HAS FEET?!

May 27 (Saturday)
As my sister said
It’s fun to dress babies like
Tiny old people

May 28 (Sunday)
La vida loca
An old French saying which means
“Chips and dip for lunch”

May 29 (Monday)
Memorial Day
Tears and memories remain
For those who we’ve lost

May 30 (Tuesday)
Moving furniture
I make room while wife makes womb
Eh!? EH!?! I’m sorry.

May 31 (Wednesday)
Quarterly results:
Who would’ve guessed finance calls
Would impact my mood