DumbFunnery

July 1 (Sunday)
Wife leaves tomorrow
And taking the kid with her
It’s zany dad time!

July 2 (Monday)
Zany dad day 1:
Post work: mowed lawn, did chores
Awwww hell yea, what up

July 3 (Tuesday)
Zany dad day 2:
Woke up early to swim laps
Schooled by ten year olds

July 4 (Wednesday)
Flying to Houston
“I haven’t seen you in years!”
NO TIME – WHERE’S MY SON!

#itHadBeenAWholeTwoDays

July 5 (Thursday)
Son’s first day at beach
Sat in surf playing with sand
Pasty, happy kid

July 6 (Friday)
Met up with some friends
Who also now have a babe!
Oh how life changes

July 7 (Saturday)
Mother-in-law hosts
Party to show off grandson
He’s game … Til naptime

July 8 (Sunday)
Flying home today
Peek-a-boos well with others
I serve as rock wall

#littleClimber

July 9 (Monday)
It’s morning. Kid on lap.
Spazzy arm movement gets me –
Cornea SCRATCHED

July 10 (Tuesday)
Big day for dad, son
Son gets ear tubes put in (yay!)
Eye doc says ‘still … BAD’

July 11 (Wednesday)
No eye pain today!!!
Sis and her fam are in town …
I’m world’s worst host

July 12 (Thursday)
Back at work today!
Eye covered with hand, shades on
I’m productive? Ish?

July 13 (Friday)
Home away from home
Not work – but the eye doctor’s
Eye getting better!

July 14 (Saturday)
If reading, TV
Bother eyes … What do you do?
Sensible bedtime!

July 15 (Sunday)
Quiet house again
Sister’s visit came and went
In blink of an … eye

#seeWhatDidThere

July 16 (Monday)
Sippy cup progress
Kiddo gets tilting cup up!
(Like chugging frat boy)

July 17 (Tuesday)
Band-aid contact OUT!
This doc lacks first doc’s soft touch
Felt like eye poked out

July 18 (Wednesday)
Latest code release
Keeps revealing new problems
No jokes. Just plain stinks.

July 19 (Thursday)
Hey sports fans, great news!
Now you can sport your sport drink
Tastes ‘eh,’ and sporty!

July 20 (Friday)
New video game
I’d forgotten what a fun
Time suck these can be

July 21 (Saturday)
Hello Saturday
Sunday’s less responsible
(And more fun) brother

July 22 (Sunday)
First jog after break
Come on body, you like this!
… I. Said. YOU. LIKE. THIS.

July 23 (Monday)
A kid named Monday
You think he’d be boring, right?
Nope! She’s a nudist.

July 24 (Tuesday)
Went to the eye doc
He gave me swimming advice!
(Also talked eye stuff)

July 25 (Wednesday)
Finished watching Glow
Keep up the good work, Netflix!
(When’s season 3 out?)

July 26 (Thursday)
Nuclear Pregnancy
Act 1, Scene 1: “Look at you!
“Such joy, you’re glowing!”

July 27 (Friday)
Kid learned to sit down!
(Used to stand up, think ‘oh no!’
Then squawk angrily)

July 28 (Saturday)
Went to restaurant
And ordered food for kiddo!!
(First time doing that)

July 29 (Sunday)
Playing game with son
Sorta hide/chase/peek-a-boo
Makes me so happy

July 30 (Monday)
Why aren’t scientists
Making advanced octopi
That give massages

July 31 (Tuesday)
How bout a crime show
It’s kids who sing, and do crime
And it’s called ‘Crime Bop’