Weekly Wacko | DumbFunnery

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Weekly Wacko (48)

Dear Diary/Blog,

Today is my first Masters class (or is it masters?, or Masters’?) … thankfully it’s an engineering one so that question doesn’t matter that much.

Anyhow – I have mixed feelings about this.

It’s nice for the obvious reasons – if I get a masters it’ll help my ‘career’, my company is assisting in paying for it (BOO YAH!).

It’s bad for the following reason – I don’t like thinking of myself as having a ‘career.’

I remember when my brother told my folks they’d be grandparents my mom was not in favor of the idea of being labeled a “grandmother.” I’ve since seen the same reaction on some sitcom or movie or something. Anyhow – she pointed out that grandma’s have white hair and are this and that. And she wasn’t those things.

[This unwillingness to accept the idea of being “grandma” led my mom to try and find another name besides grandma. Not mee-ma, not o-ma (or however you spell that), but something new. Something hip and fresh. My sister and I leaped on this and suggested things for my mom and dad like, “tango & cash,” “salt & pepper,” “beavis and butthead,” “cinderella and ugly-stick,” etc. … The Cinderella one I just now made up, the others we did suggest.]

ANYHOW.

I think this reluctance to embrace the idea of being a ‘career’ person is very common among people my age … and I don’t know if it’s a problem or a good thing (I’d lean toward problem but probably just because I’m more old-fashioned) but it boils down to – so what?

I’m not going to quit and join the Peace Corps (though it’d be very neat) because I’d feel like I was doing the wrong thing. I have a nice job, I make money, I’m in a good program at work, I am actually enjoying work … but all the while the thought lingers – ‘is this what I really want?’

I wrote before about how nice the IDEA of writing (and being published and supplementing my income) and being a teacher would be. But the key thing there is the word IDEA – would I enjoy being a teacher, would I be good at it? Who knows.

What’s my point in all this? No point, really. Just complaining. Oh, the terrible woes of a to-be suburbanite. It’s life, and I realize that, but every once and a while you’ve just got to do an old fashioned bitch-session.

If anyone reading this wants to give me a billion dollars to travel the world and read good books – you can take this problem right out of my hands for me. Any takers??

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Weekly Wacko (47)

“Where Do You Stand on the Important Issues? Like My Heaving Bosoms?”*

My senior year of college I was walking around campus one day when I noticed a little poster. They had posters, or little signs up, up all the time for everything. Sports, volunteer activity, blood bank (gross), student body, whatever.

At this time there was, apparently, a student body election going on.

I’m sure those college politicians did something – I was just blissfully unaware of it.

The election posters all had the same trend: a name, maybe a little slogan, a nice photo of the candidates’ face.

One poster caught my eye.

It was, of course, an attractive girl and … she wasn’t just showing her face. She had cropped the photo so that she could also show her, just being honest, nice chest.

I thought this was hysterical, pathetic, and possibly clever.

When I was hanging out with some friends later that night I brought up. I don’t remember exactly how the conversation goes, but here’s a guess.

“Have you guys seen the poster for that one chick [described her somewhat]?”
“Probably?”
“Did you notice she’s got a little bit of chest going on?”
“What?”
“She purposefully included a little bit of her chest because … well, you know …”

That’s when someone popped up to include a fantastic joke: “You guys, this election is not about a rack.”

A rack. Iraq. Get it?

*As far as the title goes, that’s not a real quote. I’d like to think, though, that had there been a debate at school – that she would’ve said that. Ooh, and it’d be neat if Fabbio was her campaign manager.

Yesterday Obama ended “officially”* the war in Iraq. Here’s hoping things work out well for the soldiers, their families, and that in the case of the good intentions in Iraq that the intent does equal the impact.

*I’ll offer this definition of when a war is over. If I found out a friend or family member was going to be stationed in Germany or Korea I’d say, “oh awesome! Buy an awesome couch for me!” If the same friend or family member was going to be stationed in Iraq I’d say, “I’ll pray for you and your family.” Again – let’s hope for worldwide utopia, eh folks?

To end on a lighter note, as an Army Brat son of a West Point grad let me say –

Eat, drink, and beat Navy.

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Weekly Wacko (46)

Simulated Loner

In high school I bought the video game The Sims. I was very excited about it. It was like my life – except my videogame-self spoke gibberish, and could actually get a girlfriend.
What a blow to my real-self self-esteem.

You start the game with X amount of dollars, which you can use to do whatever you want. Buy a low-end house, or build your own house. I decided to build my own house – excited at this idea.
I built this (relatively) rock-and-roll house, with a pool! That’s when I realized my character had no money leftover to buy, well, much of anything. I bought a toilet.
I had a beautiful house, a lovely pool, and a toilet.
I got a job in the game and made enough money to buy a ladder which allowed me to get in and out of the pool – this served several purposes. I really wanted to swim in that simulated pool, my guy could get buff swimming around, and I didn’t own a shower so I figured this would clean up the poor fella.

After a little while of struggling by sans fridge, couch, TV, shower, bed, etc. (I didn’t even have a chair) – my character began crying randomly.
I was incredibly excited by this discovery.
My character had become depressed!
This cracked me up to no end.

Eventually I abandoned that character. A female interest in the game had come over, and my character started crying. It was almost as intolerable as it was funny.

Character Number Two:
With character number two I built a more modest house, and got some furniture and the basic necessities.
I was surprised to learn you could set fire to your house when cooking on the oven.
Who knew?

Character Number ?:
Eventually I got the hang of the game and my character was advancing along nicely. The game informed me of something though, I needed to make more friends.
The game demanded something like five or six friends which I found unnecessary and rude.
I’m expected to, what, spend my whole night calling various people to maintain friendships?! UNRULY!

When a videogame demands me to have more close friends than I have in real life, that’s when I call it quits. If for no other reason than because it makes me realize how pathetic I am.

*This post was inspired by a long overdue call to JMinnie last night. I am very bad at keeping in touch with people – but beware friends of mine, I’ll be calling you soon!