The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘friends’

Dinner With Strangers

Tonight my wife and I are heading out to dinner with a group of strangers. This group of strangers was found using We knew (and a friend giving advice also emphasized this) that it would be important for us to get out there and try to be social right away … or we could easily fall into the trap of just hanging out with each other.
So! What will tonight bring? I can tell you what it won’t bring: privacy.
We recently watched an episode of the Morgan Spurlock show Inside Man (he’s the dude that did Super Size Me). The episode was about just how much of your information is out there, available for consumption by parties you would never know about or assume had your information (and they’re selling it for a profit to boot).
Motivated by this somewhat shocking but then again not-shocking-at-all episode, I decided to do some intense online research on our future dinner guests.
Here are some topics that might come up at dinner:
  • Tom, why do you like to google shoes so much? I noticed that you have only bought 2 pairs in the past year but you google specific women’s shoes on average seven times a day.
  • Barb, did the cops end up figuring out it was you that bumped into the car in the mall parking lot?
  • Lisa, I notice you’re drinking wine. Is it one that pairs well with your surprisingly weird obsession with Alf?
  • Joseph, you were adorable as a baby. I used Zazzle to make a photo album of you growing up, would you like a copy?
Wish us luck at dinner!!

How Sensitive Are Your Guy Friends?

Recently my lady pal and I were talking about my friends and she said of one of them, “I think he’s more sensitive than you guys realize.”

Do You Have Sensitive Guy Friends?

Could it be true? Could one of your friends be a sensitive guy? If you yourself are a stereotypical guy, how can you learn? You’re in luck, dear reader, the answer is here in this test.

Q1. Hey buddy, how do you feel?
a. Hungry
b. Tired
c. What?
d. Full of emotions

The real answer? It’s a trick question. If you’re asking a question that has the word “feel” in it, you’re the emotional one.


Q2. We’ve now reached a point in our lives where we’re a little older and our respective relationships are inherently more serious because of that. You guys want to rent, ah who am I kidding I own it, you guys want to watch Love Actually and discuss the current state of our relationships?
a. Ok.
b. Oh my God you’re dying, aren’t you?
c. I think Love Actually presents kind of an unrealistic view of relationships. Yes, there are sad stories in the movie but the happy stories are just SO over the top it’s clearly a movie. You know? What about a more realistic and honest dialogue about what love is using a movie like Star Wars Episode VI? That has elements of love in friendships, conflicted family ties, and romance.
d. Dude I’m gonna eat so much ice cream my tears are gonna be sweet instead of salty.

If you have a friend that answered (c) you should ask that person what they thought of Star Wars, episodes 1, 2 or 3 and see what happens. It’ll be a riot.


Q3. Do you guys think, if you have a son, you’ll raise that kid like you were raised? I just ask because … I don’t know, I don’t really know how to talk about emotions with guys and it probably dates back to how I am with my dad.
a. Dude. I really appreciate you being brave enough to say that. But you know what? You’re never going to change that behavior with your future children if you can’t change who you are now. You think having a kid will suddenly make you a fountain of emotions, and that you’ll pour your emotions out … like a fountain … pours water? No. You need to keep being brave and start making that change right here, right now. Tell me, really, how are you feeling?
b. So … You don’t wanna grab lunch?
c. If I play my cards right, my children will be pro athletes by age 20, and they can hire people to raise me … Because I fully plan on staying in a state of arrested development. UP TOP!
d. That’s not what your mom said last night!

If your friend gave answer (b) it is because he is hiding from his emotions. And let me tell you, dear reader, you don’t play hide and go seek with emotions because in the end they seek you out and make you pay for hiding.


There you have it. You now know how to separate your sensitive friends from your non-sensitive friends. That’s not to say your other friends can’t feel feelings, it’s just that they may identify most readily with anger. In order to placate them, talk about emotions while doing some emotionally soothing activity like going to the batting range or shooting guns. Or, if these options scare you (as they should): try booze.

My Zombie Roomy (2/7/13)

Classic good news, bad news situation.

Good news – the Zombie made friends! Finally no more guilt when I get home at the end of a long day of work and feel like the poor guy has been neglected. No more worrying what crazy nonsense he’ll get up to out of boredom when I go away for a long weekend or on some trip. He really is pretty creative in the different ways he makes me afraid for my mental stability.

Bad news – The Zombie’s friends are other zombies.

See what I mean about mental stability?

More later, he’s heading out the door so I’m going to follow him.

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