The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘bad joke’

Opportunity of a Lifetime

I think if Willem Dafoe isn’t going to a costume party once every five years or so acting like a real jerk, a real a-hole, a real meany-face … he’s missing an opportunity.

Because you know who would be right behind him at the party? His ol’ nemesis … greeting everyone with a smile, a compliment, a friendly word. That’s right, it’s … Willem Dafriend.

fashion woman outside hat

Look at how funny she thinks I am.

What’s the Difference Between a Canadian Goose and a …

Canadian Goose


French Canadian Goose

french canadian goose

Frankly I blame you for not seeing this joke coming.

It’s Christopher Walken, Not …

Christopher Walken at a Kohl’s 50% Men’s Slacks Sale

Friend: Chris, come on man, they’re gonna be outta pants by the time we get there!
Christopher: Hey! It’s Christopher Walken, not Christopher Runnin.


Christopher Walken at a Children’s Dance-A-Thon for Charity

Child: Mr. Walken, will you dance with me?
Christopher: It’s Christopher Walken, but … yes, I will.


Christopher Walken reading a blog post

Blogger: Hey check it out, it’s pretty funny, or at least … mildly funny?
Christopher: Listen, it’s Christopher Walken, not Christopher laughin at a post that is … frankly, a little uninspired. I mean, come on, the same joke over and over but varied slightly? What is this, an overly long SNL skit?
Blogger: Well … what if the blog has been around like, a REALLY LONG TIME, and sometimes the blogger just wants to mail it in for a post or 100 posts or so?
Chistopher: You think I should lower my humor standards for this?
Blogger: If you wouldn’t mind, that’d help me out tremendously.
Christopher: Ok. Then … hm. There. You got one amused hm.


Christopher Walken outside a bunch of town homes, with 7 dogs on leashes with him

Person: Woah! Christopher Walken! What are you doing here?
Christopher: Dogs! They’re … great. I LOVE dogs. And people … have to work, but the dogs … sit at HOME. So lonely. Long days are tough for … dogs.
Person: You have a dog sitting business?
Christopher: No! Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous. I have a dog … Walken … business.
Christopher Walken puts on a pair of woman’s sunglasses and walks away

Colorado Checklist Item Complete


Dang, that’s one flyyyyyy fisherman. (Hyuck, hyuck, hyuck.) (Also I was getting the fly out of my boot, so … really not that fly. And I didn’t catch any fish. But other than that, dang, check out that flyyyyyy fisherman.)

Here’s What You Do

You know what? The next time someone around you is coughing a lot you should look at them like they’re nuts and then when the coughing fit stops say, “you must have a lot of caffeine in your body!” and when they look at you like you’re nuts that’s when you deliver the news, “because you’re so cough-y.” You’ll probably have to laugh a lot because I bet they won’t.

Cough-y. Coffee. Get it?!

My Drug Manufacturing Company and Me

If I ran a drug manufacturing company I would name one Keira, and the commercials would focus on the frequency with which you take the medication.

Also the commercial would have a knight running through a field.

(P.S. You take the drug nightly.)

I’m not saying she personally endorsed this post, but she didn’t NOT personally endorse it.

Join Me in Boycotting Neutrogena

Neutrogena is a criminally offensive and awful organization and I insist that everyone join me in boycotting them. It’s one thing to be awful, but to be awful so publicly and with a smile on your face is not forgivable. Honestly, it sickens me. I can’t stop hearing some fresh-faced innocent looking young woman saying that phrase, “cleans up your poors.” Really?!? Just because they’re poor doesn’t mean they aren’t people!

Join me everyone! Join me in boycotting Neutrogena!

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