Finds your narrow-minded opinions more offensive than old people.
Whenever he does a mad lib he picks ‘awesome’d’ for the verb. For example, “Joe awesome’d his way to the store.’
Surprisingly nimble. Only instead of surprising it’s ‘not at all.’ And instead of nimble it’s ‘intelligent.’
At work he has one of those random fact books in his cube. When someone new starts and asks where the fax machine is he takes him to his book and says, “what do you want to know?!” Terrible. Just, terrible.
References former good points he’s made when trying to make a point.
More crazy than Woody Allen.
Skypes with his grandma.
Wants to get away for the weekend, and only wants to bring three things: a sleeping bag, wine, and you. Oh yeah and a TV. Maybe some Fritos too.
Was on the third season of Mad Men before realizing ‘Mad’ in the title didn’t mean angry.
Has the best sarcastic applause.
Leaves the funniest voicemails!
Is going to get, “I should’ve picked door number 2” on his epitaph.
Doesn’t ask if you want to see a movie or a flick, asks if you “would like to accompany him to the cinema.” I don’t think it’s necessary to tell you that he doesn’t see movies with friends very often.
Just discovered how to turn garbage into gold! Gold!! GOLD!!!
Even though he’s straight, always ends up with pet names like, ‘buttercup’ or ‘cupcake’ in the relationship.
Blue and Gold Macaw
Could eat up his weight in groceries.
“Ugh! Don’t look at me, I am so breaking out right now!”
Was tutored in math starting in the fourth grade. (You didn’t hear it from me, but still failed algebra!)
Name always comes up as misspelled in spellchecker.
Wants to have two boys and two girls. And their names will be Cecil, Curtis, Lisa, and Lesbian. Nah, kidding about that last one. Leslie, not Lesbian.