The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dress to impress’

Weekly Wacko (38)

I’m a crazy person. It’s a fact.

Something has been happening since I moved into my apartment that most guys, I’m sure, would be excited about. But for me, the crazy person, it’s cause for concern.

I have been living here for five months, and I’ve gotten TWELVE Victoria’s Secret catalogs! How crazy is that!?

I have a theory behind it, and it’s based loosely on lies, and largely on more lies. Here we go.

Victoria’s Secret has aligned themselves with some very conservative church. One of those, “we’ll cure you of your gayness” churches. (I’m sure they have lovely language to describe the camp names where they “cure” you.) Victoria’s Secret has done this because heterosexual couples are more likely to produce babies than homosexual couples (my friends Joe and Jimmy have been trying for ages to have a kid and it’s, like, impossible). More babies mean more people, more people means more people wearing bras. Cash flow. It’s all about the money.

The next question is why does the church/Victoria’s Secret think I’m gay? I think it relates to the picture below. I have a sense of style that is KILLER. You may have heard the phrase “dress to impress.” That’s because my birth name was “Impress.” (That doesn’t actually make any sense – but that’s kind of the theme of this post.)

(Isn’t that the most rad jacket ever?)

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