The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘church’

OK Travelers, Prague – Part 2

The burlesque show, the ongoing sage of my wife’s cold, and the odyssey-like train trip home coming next! But now … more pictures of Prague, because it was beautiful.

 

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Weekly Wacko (63)

I saw this and it made me feel bad for not having gone to church in a LONG while … but I found this funny so here goes.

Born Again Comedy

(Let’s hope that in God’s infinite wisdom, he gets my humor, and gets that I’m a big dummy.)

My family was never consistent about going to Church.

I would wake up some Sunday mornings and hide out in my room, not wanting my parents to know I was already awake. I figured my mom might go to wake my brother, sister and I for Church then she’d say, “well … they’re such Angels when they’re sleeping … We’ll go next week.” (note how I used the word Angel – now that’s comedy!).

Despite my best efforts, we went sometimes. Sometimes meaning more than just Easter and Christmas, but we weren’t ‘religious’ about going (the jokes don’t stop, people).

The Churches we attended tended to be pretty conservative generic Protestant. You’d have your Bible and your Hymnal in front of you.

Turn to page 786 in the Hymnal and let us sing …

Then it’d be some boring drawn out song.

I had the impression that if Church wasn’t stuffy, and if you weren’t dressed stiffly – you weren’t respecting God.

***

In 2000 my family moved to Savannah, Georgia.

We attended Savannah Christian Church.

The pastor was fantastic (my favorite ever – though I have to admit I didn’t really start to pay attention to the sermon until around that time, too).

The music was … different.

There was some sort of ‘rock group’ on the stage.

Guitars in Church?

A DRUMMER?!

This was all new to me.

The people around me started singing these pop Christian songs.

“Jesus, you rock my socks off buuuuddddddy!” (I sincerely hope this is not a real pop Christian song – though I would not be surprised if it was.)

And … what’s this? That guy up there is … raising his arms?

Is he going to strangle someone?

Is he a zombie?

What’s happening?

Does God get bad reception in here? And your arms are rabbit ears?

(Note: If there is a Heaven and Hell, and people get to Heaven and they say, “Brad’s not here? He wasn’t that bad a guy I thought …” I’m in Hell because I thought of this joke today. While I was at Church.)

I couldn’t help but look down and grin – a huge, laughter suppressing grin.

Lucky for me my laugh tends to just be a smile (a ninja laugh, as I call it).

This was new to me.

People ‘feeling it’ or what have you. Raising their arms as they sing and closing their eyes. As though God was, through this poorly written pop song, hugging them.

Eventually the songs stopped and the lead singer began to pray.

Meanwhile, one of the guys on guitar kept going.

Does this prayer have a soundtrack?

Had I missed some part of the Bible where God said He loves a good musical prayer?

***

As this is about Church let me now preach and say: Christians, don’t look down on other Christian services. Christianity is all about love for others, so politely disagree, but focus on the love part.

Also, no offense Christian pop. You’re fine, really. I’m really just interested in the sermon anyway.

Weekly Wacko (38)

I’m a crazy person. It’s a fact.

Something has been happening since I moved into my apartment that most guys, I’m sure, would be excited about. But for me, the crazy person, it’s cause for concern.

I have been living here for five months, and I’ve gotten TWELVE Victoria’s Secret catalogs! How crazy is that!?

I have a theory behind it, and it’s based loosely on lies, and largely on more lies. Here we go.

Victoria’s Secret has aligned themselves with some very conservative church. One of those, “we’ll cure you of your gayness” churches. (I’m sure they have lovely language to describe the camp names where they “cure” you.) Victoria’s Secret has done this because heterosexual couples are more likely to produce babies than homosexual couples (my friends Joe and Jimmy have been trying for ages to have a kid and it’s, like, impossible). More babies mean more people, more people means more people wearing bras. Cash flow. It’s all about the money.

The next question is why does the church/Victoria’s Secret think I’m gay? I think it relates to the picture below. I have a sense of style that is KILLER. You may have heard the phrase “dress to impress.” That’s because my birth name was “Impress.” (That doesn’t actually make any sense – but that’s kind of the theme of this post.)

(Isn’t that the most rad jacket ever?)

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