The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Ellen DeGeneres’

Attn: Ellen (5/8/19)

Front

 

Ellen398a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen398b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I hate Trump, but hopefully one day I can look back and reflect on the unique experience of living through the worst presidency in the history of the U.S.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

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Attn: Ellen (5/1/19)

Front

 

Ellen397a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen397b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

This is a sneak peak at Iowa’s next big tourism campaign. ‘Corn me up, Scotty.’ It’s expected to be as successful as all their other campaigns.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (4/24/19)

Front

 

Ellen396a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen396b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I wonder who the first pirate ‘doctor’ was who was like, “he’s gonna lose a leg?! Quick! Fetch me that stick! I’ve got an idea …”

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (4/17/19)

Front

Ellen395a

 

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen395b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

At my son’s daycare they send ‘incident reports’ if he gets banged up. The most recent one was, “[your son] was sitting on a friend, and the friend scratched his face.” The led me to conclude I wouldn’t last a day at daycare.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (4/10/19)

Front

 

Ellen394a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen394b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Do you think, in the history of Welch’s, anyone has even been fired for saying ‘hey! That’s really grape news!’

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (4/3/19)

Front

 

Ellen393a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen393b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I decided when retire I’m going to move to Tibet and build a wall. (Psst. My hope is it’ll be so nice and wall-like people will call it the Even Better Wall of Tibet.)

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (3/27/19)

Front

 

Ellen392a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen392b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

If werewolves were real I’d create a group called ‘wherewolves’ and whenever I heard someone say ‘werewolves’ I’d jump in and say ‘wherewolves’ and point to my heart.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

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