The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Ellen DeGeneres’

Attn: Ellen (6/20/18)

Front

Ellen354a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen354b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Can you imagine how painful and awkward and terrifying it would be if the following happened … An alien race came to visit planet Earth. But, wait, it’s Trump leading the greeting party. Guh.

But I’m not too worried, I’m pretty sure Angela Merkel would drop kick Trump before the meeting to knock him out.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

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Attn: Ellen (6/13/18)

Front

Ellen353a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen353b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

A surprising development for me: I have realized a very real possible post-retirement hobby for me would be photographing birds.

I don’t even know who I am anymore.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (6/6/18)

Front

Ellen352b

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen352a

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

It’s pride month which presents people with the wonderful opportunity to look at others and think, ‘truly, who cares who you’re attracted to?’

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (5/30/18)

Front

Ellen351a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen351b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

You know how NBA players commit a foul, a ref blows the whistle, and the player looks around, arms thrown up in the air, as though they are shocked and disgusted?

Whenever my wife reminds me of something I forgot to do I’m going to react like that. Backup plan – I’ll sweat as much as one of those dudes and she’ll never be in the same room as me.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

P.S. Seriously, they each sweat approximately one Nile River / game.

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (5/23/18)

Front

Ellen349a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen349b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

What do you think – syndication?

[Following that, a work of art you’ll just have to check out.]

Eh!?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (5/16/18)

Front

Ellen350a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen350b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

If I remember correctly this woman was the Side-Eye Champion of the Universe. She’s seen here practicing on a poor, unsuspecting umbrella.

Hang in there umbrella, she doesn’t mean it.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (5/2/18)

Front

Ellen347a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen347b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

How about we co-create a show? It’s called Brussel Sprouts. And it’s a fairly boring detective, named Brussel Sprouts, and his mediocre detective-ing, failed dating attempts, and love of horses. Sounds too good to be true, huh?

Call me. It’s not.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

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