The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Ellen DeGeneres’

Attn: Ellen (10/17/18)

Front

Ellen370a

 

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen370b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I decided my dog is like a crazy scientist who has come up from her lab and is yelling about some potentially world-ending catastrophe and we’re like, “nah crazy scientist, that’s just the neighbor – you JUST saw him” and she’s like “RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!”

It’s charming.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

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Attn: Ellen (10/10/18)

Front

Ellen368a

 

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen367b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I could be wrong, but I bet if the U.S. had royalty their modern descendants would be an awful trash heap of humanity.

But maybe I’m a bit pessimistic.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (10/3/18)

Front

 

Ellen369a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen369b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

In times of turmoil, there is art, and there is nature, and there are friends.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (9/26/18)

Front

Ellen367a

 

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen368b

 

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Here we see a depiction of the GOP attempting to woo more female voters. And, unfortunately, some women are drawn to awful relationships.

Come on lady, wake up!!!

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (9/19/18)

Front

 

Ellen366a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen366b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I bet he’s reading Harry Potter. What else could so engross you that you don’t notice skeleton parts hanging around you?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (9/12/18)

Front

 

Ellen365a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen365b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

When do you think the first barber shop was? I bet it was during caveman times. And I bet it wasn’t successful at all. Why pay perfectly good animal hides when I could just gnaw off my hair when it gets too long? But that barber? Talk about an outside-the-box thinker.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (9/5/18)

Front

 

Ellen364a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen364b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

It’s good to know that even in nature there are obnoxious siblings.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

P.S. I bet he’s saying, “hey … your ear smells.” And the sibling is thinking, ‘do I really need to be a pack animal?’

Why am I doing this?

 

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