The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘postcard’

Attn: Ellen (12/6/17)

Front

Ellen328a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen328b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Here we see a cartoon depiction of our current political landscape.
Honestly, what’s the best course of action when the more you pay attention the more disheartened and disappointed you feel?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

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Attn: Ellen (11/29/17)

Front

Ellen327a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen327b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

While fishnet stockings over your face may look attractive, it can make eating difficult.

Note here, this woman attempting to eat her finger.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR

@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (11/22/17)

Front

Ellen326a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen326b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Here’s this complex look in a few easy steps:

1) buy a bunch of fabrics

2) throw them at an airplane engine that is running

Boom! Shredded fabrics!

As for why you’d wear that? That’s outside my wheelhouse.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (11/15/17)

Front

Ellen325a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen325b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

If I’m ever going to be part of a grand jury I’ll rent a tux, show up, and say, “you call THIS a grand jury?!”

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (11/8/17)

Front

Ellen324b

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen324a

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I feel like ‘one if by land, two if by sea’ would be a great restaurant name. But here’s the kicker – it’s a donut shop! And I bet you were picturing surf n turf.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
OR @DumbFunnery

P.S. With every dozen donuts you get a side of vegetarian meatloaf … whatever that means.

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (10/25/17)

Front

Ellen323a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen323b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

If all of your kitchen appliances became sentient who do you think would lead the revolution?

I bet the toaster oven would think it should. ‘Oh hi, each of you has one name, one purpose. Fridge. Stove. Dishwasher. Etcetera. I’M the toaster oven!’

Stupid high and might toaster oven thinks it is so great. You can’t do what an oven does! … But, toasters have nothing on you, I’ll give you that.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (10/18/17)

Front

Ellen322a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen322b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen’s Intern Who is Forced to Read Crazy Fan Mail,

You’ve probably been wondering – why did the weird postcards stop? Well, I’ve been busy being a new dad! Now you’re likely thinking, can I meet your child? Huh. Really. You’re thinking that? Seems a little … presumptuous, don’t you think?

Hmm.

This got awkward.

Well, umm, say hi to your friends?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

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