The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘fan mail’

Attn: Ellen (6/20/18)

Front

Ellen354a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen354b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Can you imagine how painful and awkward and terrifying it would be if the following happened … An alien race came to visit planet Earth. But, wait, it’s Trump leading the greeting party. Guh.

But I’m not too worried, I’m pretty sure Angela Merkel would drop kick Trump before the meeting to knock him out.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

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Attn: Ellen (6/13/18)

Front

Ellen353a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen353b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

A surprising development for me: I have realized a very real possible post-retirement hobby for me would be photographing birds.

I don’t even know who I am anymore.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (5/23/18)

Front

Ellen349a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen349b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

What do you think – syndication?

[Following that, a work of art you’ll just have to check out.]

Eh!?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (5/2/18)

Front

Ellen347a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen347b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

How about we co-create a show? It’s called Brussel Sprouts. And it’s a fairly boring detective, named Brussel Sprouts, and his mediocre detective-ing, failed dating attempts, and love of horses. Sounds too good to be true, huh?

Call me. It’s not.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (4/25/18)

Front

Ellen348a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen348b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I worry that Earth might be the K-Mart of the universe, with aliens cruising by saying, “huh, they’re still in existence?”

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (4/11/18)

Front

Ellen346a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen346b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I wonder if there is a Guinness World Record for longest “awwwwww.” And wouldn’t t be weird if that was achieved by someone looking at a picture of a blue whale. If I was from Guinness I would disqualify the person.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

P.S. If I was going for the record I’d look at baby fox pictures.

Why am I doing this?

 

Attn: Ellen (4/4/18)

Front

Ellen345a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen345b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

It’s the time of year where we must once again ask ourselves – am I the only one who sensed sexual tension between Vader and R2?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

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