Posts tagged ‘review’
Starbucks is often much more than a cup of coffee (and I am mildly aware that they offer an ever-changing menu of things I am not interested in except for that occasional desire that strikes with a sudden force that leads to the purchase of a chocolate chip muffin). On this particular day I visited a Starbucks, got my coffee, sat down, and observed.
A woman perhaps in her fifties engaged so thoroughly in a book she had become the most interesting piece of furniture in the room.
A pair of women in their forties who I would have thought were a couple if they hadn’t spent so much time railing against their dumb husbands. (Runners-up in the great world of dumb were their dumb jobs, dumb bosses, dumb neighbors, and dumb – oh we won’t go into that but – dumb politics. Notably missing were dumb kids, but that could either imply a solo spark of anti-dumb in their world, but more likely it just implied a lack of kids.)
The four twenty to thirty something employees chirping with an enthusiasm that one assumes is generally only purchasable by large wages, unhealthy amounts of caffeine, or some foolish game of rising stakes where you can only win by being the very most happiest, energetic, enthused and excited by all things customer-oriented person in the world!!! (Note: there are no winners of this game.)
A man, mid thirties, and his almost or just barely teenage daughter were also present.
I had to wonder, marveling at the technology on display with phones and tablets which were accompanying the conversations despite the fact that some still consider this rude, the clock counting how long since the drive-thru customer ordered will it take to get their order, the polished nature of everything on display that implies that this chain store is a unique chain store unlike any other chain store. But then, listening to the snippets of conversation, the debatably teenaged daughter just called her dad an asshole and he rolled his eyes at her which I think is a nice touch, one of the married women just talked about how her boss doesn’t understand her and how she would never deign to understand him, and flip goes the page on the furniture’s book, and barista one is totally psyched he has a date tonight but he met him sorta like commenting on reddit and is that gross? should I like be worried? but in his pics he’s pretty hot so whatever right? OH hiiiiii welcome to Starbuuuuuucks!
Now the man in his thirties has taken his turn to call his daughter an asshole. The furniture closed her eyes for a long second, then locked eyes with me and I think I could almost hear her screaming.
Has humanity gone too far? Have we already peaked? Is technology just failing forward at this point, new achievements reached, new heights claimed, faster, stronger, better, more hands off and less thinking required just because there are people who don’t know any better. Are we all dead inside, or embracing that inner death one barely acknowledged and half-heartedly attended conversation at a time?
I take another sip of my coffee. It’s pretty good but I might add more sugar.
Coffee: 4/5 stars
Chocolate Chip Muffin: 5/5 stars
Experience: 2/5 stars
Robin Williams is great as the genie, it’s like I was in an AladDIN of laughter!
Snow WHITE ON!
This film was Little MerMAID to have you learn to love again!
I’d be a lyin’ king if I didn’t tell you how I just love The Lion King!
It’ll Poca-Haunt-U if you don’t see Pocahontas!
You know, Lilo & Stitch wasn’t that good.
Recently I read a “pulp fiction” story by L. Ron Hubbard called Under the Black Ensign. Pulp fiction stories are like Indiana Jones movies – fast-paced, fun adventure stories with usually a hero and a predictable love story. If you want to read something fun, and don’t feel like thinking, pulp fiction is there to satisfy that need.
I did not pick up the book because I wanted to read some golden age pulp fiction, but instead because it was written by L. Ron Hubbard. If he’s good enough to start a religion, he’s good enough to warrant reading a 50 page story.
The story was pretty decent – I think if I was 10 and it was a cartoon I would’ve enjoyed it. And I certainly read it very quickly, which is another good sign. The most interesting part of the book was the brief biographical piece about L. Ron Hubbard at the end of the book.
This book was published along with a number of other classic L. Ron Hubbard pulp fiction pieces. I would imagine each of them has this same amazing biographical note.
Instead of reviewing the book, I will review the biographical note.
“L. Ron Hubbard and American Pulp Fiction”
If you are familiar with The Office and Michael Scott’s fictional and idealized version of himself, Michael Scarn, you may have an idea how this “biographical” piece will read.
While it is understandable to have self-congratulations in a brief author bio, this one comes on a little strong. For example, most author bios are a paragraph or two, and this one is nine pages.
Maybe it is a bad idea to criticize him, because other critics have been addressed:
“His [L. Ron’s] first Westerns were soundly rejected as lacking the authenticity of a Max Brand yarn (a particularly frustrating comment given L. Ron Hubbard’s Westerns came straight from his Montana homeland, while Max Brand was a mediocre New York poet named Frederick Schiller Faust, who turned out implausible six-shooter tales from the terrace of an Italian villa.)”
I feel it is only fair to turn a fairly critical eye to the founder of a religion. Other religions should be glad that figures who authored such important pieces were alive so much longer ago, so that followers of those religions wouldn’t have to think, “sure, the religion stuff is good – but their romance novels are what I really like!”
This reviewers conclusion is that L. Ron Hubbard probably masturbated while staring at one or more mirrors.
I was doing some errands when I saw a pack of Bazooka Joe bubble gum. Bazooka Joe! I thought back and the last time I remembered buying that was as a little kid. Five cents for a piece of the gum. I have no memory of how much other bubble gum cost, it may be that five cents wasn’t even that good a deal but it felt like it.
An impulse buy of only a quarter got you five slices of potential greatness.
The taste? Eh. The comic? Generally eh. And yet, I couldn’t resist it!
Now, for old time’s sake – let’s give a fresh look at Bazooka Joe gum, and (there better still be comics or this will be a big disappointment) the comic that accompanies the gum!
Bazooka Joe Review
Based on the font, you already know you’re in for a good time. It’s both zany and to the point.
Wait a minute, glancing at the Bazooka Joe nutrition facts for the first time (possibly ever in the history of the gum) reveals a startling bonus – I’m about to get 1% of my daily required total carbs from this?! And surprisingly only 3 grams of sugar per piece (from memory, it sure seemed like a lot more than that).
(For example, one Caramel deLite cookie, formerly samoas, has 6 grams of sugar. Oh wait, I guess that means 3 grams of sugar for a piece of gum is a lot. Moving on!)
I open a piece of the gum and set aside the comic/wrapper.
(Can that really be said so casually! It’s a COMIC that is wrapping paper! Why isn’t that standard practice for all things? Imagine how much healthier I’d be if bananas had cool drawings on them. Chaquita Banana’s misadventures are predictable and leave too much up to the imagination. She just seems to be standing there, happily, and you have to come up with the rest of the comic panels on your own. And the other panels can’t be that crazy because whatever she’s up to can’t involve movement since she somehow manages to keep that crazy, non-user-friendly hat on her head. That’s it for my side-rant.)
Now, with delight and wonder filling my eyes, I pop the gum into my mouth and I am greeted with an immediate feeling of a tired jaw. A slightly fruity taste, with a gritty texture greets me. I wonder if the three grams of sugar are worth all of this effort. I could’ve eaten a caramel delite by now, and it would’ve tasted way better. After about thirty seconds the gum gets better, I think the sugar is finally flowing and things are looking up. About thirty seconds after that I’m bored and reaching for the comic. Don’t let me down Bazooka Joe!
The “flavor” (there’s a taste, I don’t know if I’d go so far as to call it a flavor) is still around but the desire to have this gum has faded.
And yet … I want to read another comic! What zany misadventures will Bazooka Joe get himself involved in! What … am I going to do with all these other sticks of gum?
- Taste: 2 stars
- Packaging: 4 stars (It’s not a good comic, but there’s a comic so they get top marks for effort.)
- Cost: 2 stars
- Overall: 3 stars (It’s like an annoying friend, you forget why it’s no good so you come back … Oh, I’ll be back Bazooka Joe, but I won’t like it.)
Funny Last Note: Apparently Bazooka Joe pulled the comic and now includes brain teasers. This started back in December of 2012 or January of this year. So … overall rating goes down to a 2.5 at best. Bad move, Bazooka Joe! Also, how old was this gum I just chewed? Gross.