Tomorrow I leave for an engineering conference. Yikes.
Fotima, the girlfriend unit, and I were going to do a video idea I had for this – but when we tried it we just ended up making fun of each other and laughing. Here instead is the ‘script.’
sitting in chair in front of blank wall, it’s either fotima or me on chair
me: next week i’m going to be at a conference that is – ALL ENGINEERS –
fotima: (nerd voice) hey neat calculator!
me: i’m afraid as part of it my social skills may go down
fotima: (sighing, on the phone) ok, tell me the joke about the tertiary operator
me: fotima agreed to help me with a video where i’m going to predict a few things. say hi fotima.
me: so the first day i’ll be flying, and checking in at the airport – and dealing with friendly, smiling, customer service rep
fotima: (smiling) please enjoy your flight/stay/meal/whatever mr. stanley!
me: then … it’s down to brass tacks. me and several hundred other engineers.
fotima: (while texting and eating) firefly was canceled WAY too early – and here’s my 14-point reason why, first …
me: (rubbing head like i’m stressed) so the first night we’re doing a big dinner
me: where they’ll talk about teamwork,
me: and leadership
me: and the value of continuing your education
me: it’ll be a pretty good speech. though it’s an engineering conference, so it’ll be a who’s who of people who suck at
me: the next day, tuesday, we’ll be in classes all day. i’m sure i’ll learn some good stuff, and geek out a bit on things that should bore any normal person
fotima: (very excited) wait – what?! there’s a class about how to implement coding standards with legacy code!?!
me: that night we’ll socialize.
fotima: dude you have red dead? so do i, what’s your handle?
me: and then we’re onto wednesday. more classes. that day i’ll guess they’ll have a class on non-verbal cues. specially designed for our uniquely oblivious selves.
fotima: non-verbal cue? you mean like email?
me: that night will be a free night. i don’t have cable at my apartment – so i could see myself getting sucked into the shawshank redemption on TNT, or maybe an old keanu reaves movie on TBS. i don’t know. i’ll probably call fotima.
fotima: hi! how’s your day going!? … … … wow, you’re giving me a very methodical, detail-oriented answer. (fake crying)
me: then it’s thursday, which will go by slowly because i’ll probably be mentally worn out by that time.
fotima: (like talking to children) let’s go over this again class. when you walk down the hall, and someone smiles and says hello – you say hello back.
me: that night a group of fellow nerds and i may do something zany like go to a TGI Friday’s.
fotima: shouldn’t they be closed? it IS thursday!
me: there will be very bad jokes. i’ll probably be the one to tell half of them.
fotima (on cell): he said you should go to TGI fridays? uh-huh. and then you said it’s thursday though. uh-huh. yes, that’s very funny.
me: at last! friday! the end of the conference! for all my whining i will actually have enjoyed it, but i’ll be happy to be heading home.
fotima: he’s been watching dexter. he’ll have gone into dexter-withdrawals.
me: wish me luck folks! here’s hoping i won’t tell any jokes that are received with blank stares and awkward silences!