The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘stereotype’

Fedora the Explorer

In this up and coming smash hit TV series you follow the adventures of Zigs (his actual name is John, but he insists that everyone call him Zigs … no one does).

Zigs is a 17 year old boy who loves the internet, trying to prove how right he is, and fedoras. Oh and one more thing – the ladies.

In the show we follow Zigs as he offers lessons in how to live – what not to say in social settings, what not to say online, and he speaks two languages! Fluent in obscure references and English, he happily translates.

“Oh you didn’t get that?,” he says to a group of disinterested listeners, “it’s simple …”

And don’t get him started on an opportunity to “help” a female. “That’s not how you use that,” he says on his second visit to a gym to a woman doing hammer curls, “here let me show you,” meanwhile you can almost hear Ricky Ricardo shouting out, “LUCY! I GOT SOME MANSPLAININ’ TO DO!”

Tune in this winter for a new kind of cringe-worthy that’ll make your insides hurt.

If you don’t get this post – the whole making fun of fedoras and associating them with a certain particular type of guy … I could explain, but it’s not funny enough to be worth the explanation.

Not my WORST, but …

Realization – Womenfolk and Menfolk

I decided on something tonight. It’s based on a stereotype, which may also be true. The stereotype (or scientific fact, if you go for this article) is that women talk more than men.

Although, based on my blogging, and enjoyment of telling stories, I give the stereotypical woman a run for her money.

Anyhow – here’s my comparison.

When these stereotypical women tell stories, it’s like the first chapter of a book. They introduce characters, and give the setting and background information. You don’t just hear about Susie, you hear about Susie, who grew up in South Carolina and likes to wear scarves.

When stereotypical men tell stories, the characters have already been established. It’s Patrick, and he was out getting drunk one night when … It’s not Patrick, from Oregon, who grew up and things were tough because his parents got divorced and seemed to use him as a pawn in some sick battle.

There you go. My little joke to go with the stereotype.

Stereotypes and A-Holes (And How I Relate to Them So Well)

Through work I found out about a great volunteer opportunity where people from work went to a school and did all of the lessons in one day. Hanging out with kids all day? Sounds good. (That’s not sarcasm, but you’d think it would be.)

I worked with another guy and we were going to teach a fourth grade class. I was randomly assigned to work with him, but he was a very nice guy.

At the time I lived in the Silicon Valley. Which meant the school had a pretty wide array of people. The class had your standard white-bread Americana kids, black kids, Hispanic kids, middle Eastern kids, Asian kids, one kid from Russia and if I recall correctly one kid from Egypt.

How cool is that!

I remember my fourth grade class had, I think, one Asian kid, one black kid, and the rest white. I was living in Leavenworth, Kansas – so those demographics seem about right.


I thought it was great for the kids to see so much diversity at a young age, when you’re less likely (I hope) to have negative pre-conceived notions about any particular nationality, skin color, or whatever.

I was worried though. What if the one Russian kid was a jerk? Then these kids might think of all Russians as jerks. I know that’s pretty silly to have such strong associations with a whole country from one person, but I realized I just did something similar.

I was watching the news about some research PhD’s at Stanford were doing, and one of the researchers was a New Zealander. I’ve never been to New Zealand. As far as I know, I’ve never met a New Zealander. But I am a big fan of  The Flight of the Conchords.

My thoughts when this genius PhD was talking? I bet he’s hilarious. I didn’t pay attention to his intelligent thoughts at all, I just waited for the punch line. It never came. (But in my head I think he was just SO DRY that I didn’t get it. Genius New Zealanders and they’re hyper-intelligent humor, it’s just too smart for me.)


I’ll add two things that I thought were funny from that day teaching those kids.

My co-teacher for the day was quite a bit shorter than me, so one of the students walked up to us and said, “hey, why are you so much shorter than him?” That kid is bound to be a scientist. The slighting of my co-teacher continued when we received thank you notes from all of the students (the teacher made them write these) and one of the students addressed my co-teacher, a male, as “Miss.” Awesome.

The other funny thing was an example of how I need to learn when to be sarcastic. Well, I don’t need to learn that, I need to actually do what I know I should.

A little girl came up to my co-teacher and I, “did you guys go out to recess?”
Me: “Yeah, we were at the four-square tearing it up.”
The little girl, very sadly, “oh, I looked for you guys and didn’t see you.”
I am an a-hole.


What’s the point of this scatter-shot Weekly Wacko? Self-made stereotypes make PhDs much more personable. And, I’m an a-hole.

A Really Nice Guy Talking to His Very Attractive, Adventurous Girlfriend

“Hey … uh … listen, don’t start crying yet … geez … all right, well … I think we should break up … I met this guy … he’s into guns … and cheating on women … and he’s temporarily found me attractive because I played hard to get but now I’m going to go running toward him and tell him I broke up with a guy just for him so it’ll pretty much make him find me repulsive because he only likes women who are unavailable and so then I’ll be clingy for a few weeks until he moves on, out of my life … on his hot motorcycle.

“Seriously? You didn’t see this coming?”

Weekly Wacko (50)


A few things from this weekend.

1) Yesterday a work buddy and I went to the SMU v Rice game at Rice. Rice is like the Houston version of SMU, but Rice didn’t strike me as being as snobby as SMU (though I am admittedly biased against SMU in this case).

SMU won, which was the best part of the game.

BUT. A close second was Rice’s band.

During halftime the Rice band took the field. They had a group of maybe 8 guys in shorts and shirts off to one side. Then I noticed they were tossing a Frisbee. Oh and apparently a fake/prop/empty keg was being dragged around by one guy … Hey, those shirts are all polo and the collars are popped …

That’s when I realized that those Rice students were doing their best impression of SMU students. This cracked me up pretty good. One of the Rice students also had a fake muscle-man outfit on with no shirt on over it.

The band played some songs then stripped off their band uniforms to reveal that underneath all of them were wearing ‘SMU outfits.’

Awesome show.

2) This book I’m reading for class keeps referencing Dilbert. I started to think I should go buy one of those Dilbert books because I’d probably enjoy it more now …

That’s when my brain stopped and I was sad for myself.

Corporate Brad indeed.

3) I’m wearing an Arizona Diamondbacks t-shirt today. I like this shirt. For a while – during the most heated of the news stories on Arizona and immigration laws – I didn’t wear the t-shirt. This is because Arizona became associated with some bad things. Protesters would even show up to Diamondbacks games when they traveled out of state to play.

I want to make it clear that I am pro Arizona Diamondbacks. Anti racism. When I want to support racism I’ll get a t-shirt that says, “let’s go racists – race it up!” Or whatever it is the KKK wears underneath their white robes.


Well, that’s enough crazy for today. Time to make some pancakes for myself.

Weekly Wacko (40)

Tomorrow I leave for an engineering conference. Yikes.

Fotima, the girlfriend unit, and I were going to do a video idea I had for this – but when we tried it we just ended up making fun of each other and laughing. Here instead is the ‘script.’

sitting in chair in front of blank wall, it’s either fotima or me on chair

me: next week i’m going to be at a conference that is – ALL ENGINEERS –

fotima: (nerd voice) hey neat calculator!

me: i’m afraid as part of it my social skills may go down

fotima: (sighing, on the phone) ok, tell me the joke about the tertiary operator

me: fotima agreed to help me with a video where i’m going to predict a few things. say hi fotima.

fotima: hi.

me: so the first day i’ll be flying, and checking in at the airport – and dealing with friendly, smiling, customer service rep


fotima: (smiling) please enjoy your flight/stay/meal/whatever mr. stanley!

me: then … it’s down to brass tacks. me and several hundred other engineers.

fotima: (while texting and eating) firefly was canceled WAY too early – and here’s my 14-point reason why, first …

me: (rubbing head like i’m stressed) so the first night we’re doing a big dinner

fotima: networking

me: where they’ll talk about teamwork,

fotima: networking

me: and leadership

fotima: networking

me: and the value of continuing your education

fotima: networking

me: it’ll be a pretty good speech. though it’s an engineering conference, so it’ll be a who’s who of people who suck at

fotima: networking

me: the next day, tuesday, we’ll be in classes all day. i’m sure i’ll learn some good stuff, and geek out a bit on things that should bore any normal person

fotima: (very excited) wait – what?! there’s a class about how to implement coding standards with legacy code!?!

me: that night we’ll socialize.

fotima: dude you have red dead? so do i, what’s your handle?

me: and then we’re onto wednesday. more classes. that day i’ll guess they’ll have a class on non-verbal cues. specially designed for our uniquely oblivious selves.

fotima: non-verbal cue? you mean like email?

me: that night will be a free night. i don’t have cable at my apartment – so i could see myself getting sucked into the shawshank redemption on TNT, or maybe an old keanu reaves movie on TBS. i don’t know. i’ll probably call fotima.

fotima: hi! how’s your day going!? … … … wow, you’re giving me a very methodical, detail-oriented answer. (fake crying)

me: then it’s thursday, which will go by slowly because i’ll probably be mentally worn out by that time.

fotima: (like talking to children) let’s go over this again class. when you walk down the hall, and someone smiles and says hello – you say hello back.

me: that night a group of fellow nerds and i may do something zany like go to a TGI Friday’s.

fotima: shouldn’t they be closed? it IS thursday!

me: there will be very bad jokes. i’ll probably be the one to tell half of them.

fotima (on cell): he said you should go to TGI fridays? uh-huh. and then you said it’s thursday though. uh-huh. yes, that’s very funny.

me: at last! friday! the end of the conference! for all my whining i will actually have enjoyed it, but i’ll be happy to be heading home.

fotima: he’s been watching dexter. he’ll have gone into dexter-withdrawals.

me: wish me luck folks! here’s hoping i won’t tell any jokes that are received with blank stares and awkward silences!


De Jour of the Week (4/5/10)

Who doesn’t have a love-hate with Wal-Mart?

An Ode to Wal-Mart

Love me tender,
Love me big-spender,
Love me some Wal-Mart in all its splendor.

Someone is blocking the aisle, “excuse me misssss … ter?”
Don’t get me started on that confusing disaster.

So overweight that using the automatic wheelchair causes you to work up a sweat …
It’s almost too pathetic to make fun of … almost, but not yet.

You’re paying for condoms with some food stamps –
Ladies left town and all we have now are tramps.

A personal cell phone call with your apparently deaf friend about cramps, sure, that’s appropriate –
The disgusted ‘this is personal!’ look you give to anyone who unwillingly overhears is what they get!

Your leopard print, skin tight pajama pants are impressive –
The image it’s seared into my brain is oppressive.

Your child is crying, wrecking your A-game with that hunk of burning (STDs) love –
Would you mind handling everything you ever, EVER touch with a latex glove?

‘Born in the USA!’ t-shirt worn with mustard-stained, one-size-too-small, pride –
I’m guessing the truck with a Confederate flag and missing headlight is your ride?

What’s this? A cute sight? A daddy playing with his daughter!
Ew. He just checked out that teenage chick. Just more Wal-Mart fodder.

Your child is wearing a shirt that says, “bitch give me a hot dog” –
Methinks during pregnancy you couldn’t resist the eggnog?

Emaciated, and overweight –
How did you reach a feat so great?
Yes, I love me some Wal-Mart,
It’s near and dear to my heart,
And when we finally decide to do some fix-ups on America it’s a great big beacon of where to start.

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