Coming Clean
I’m going to tell you something not many people know.
What’s the big secret?
My cat’s name.
Her name … is (was) Nuts.
Nuts, the cat.
She got this name because she was crazy, aka bonkers, aka loony, aka nuts.
I didn’t usually tell people her name, instead referring to her as “meowsers” or “the cat” because, here’s a surprise, most boys don’t think ‘synonym for crazy’ when they hear the word ‘nuts.’ I was going to say I started doing this when I was in elementary school – but I realized I did this even until college, when she died. That’s because boys are perpetually stupid. Girls too, but we’re better at it.
Our dog’s name is Chaser (she got the name from a Big Dog t-shirt – “The Unleashables”). Chaser is not embarrassing to admit to, but for the sake of uniformity I have pretty much always referred to the dog and cat, not by their names, but as “the dog” and “the cat.”
Sometimes “the dog” is also called, “the pooch,” “the pup” and “the mutt.”
There you have it, the cat’s out of the bag … (I should’ve written for Frasier).
DumbFunnery 
Comments on: "Weekly Wacko (45)" (8)
Brad, I had a cat named Puss. She had a brother named Boots, so they were Puss ‘n Boots š As you can imagine, it became a little awkward after Boot went to kitty heaven and it was just lonely Puss around the house!
Okay, now, when I hear “Chaser” I immediately think of a drink that immediately follows another drink. I honestly was trying to figure out for a second why you would name a dog that. I do get it now, though, in case you were wondering.
One time the dog got out and some neighbor kiddos decided to help us look for her as she ran around. While helping they came up with a little comedy routine …
“What’re we doing?”
“Helping find a dog.”
“What’s the dog’s name?”
“Chaser!”
“I know we’re supposed to chase her, but what’s her name?”
Hmm. Here I am reading about chasers (the drink) on a Saturday night while I skype with two buddies who are writing a script for a game. Rad!
When I hear nuts I think testicles. When I hear meadow, I also think testicles, which leads me to believe that I think of testicles a lot. So if I ever say, I’ve got some things on my mind, most likely it’s testicles. Are we clear on this or should I provide more examples?
As long as you don’t think testicles when someone yells “RUN!!!!!” then you’re ok.
Unless you have an extreme reaction to the word testicles.
This just in … even typing that word makes me giggle.
I think nuts I think crazy.
Unless you add an adjective like ‘numb’ before it. Which I often do.
I couldn’t think of anything clever in response to this – so I looked up the word ‘nuts’ on urban dictionary. Here’s what they have to say:
1) What a squirrel eats
2) What a guy diving into an alligator pit is
3) What standing with only 4 men against the whole German army is
4) What a cannibal eats (Ouch)
Confucious Say: Man who stick penis in peanut butter jar is f*ing nuts (Double meaning)
I just re-read this and it’s pretty boring. But you know what? I’ve got chef boyardee to eat, and The Predator to watch – so I’ve got bigger fish to fry than to try and be funny!