The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘bad jokes’

Christmas Movie Reviews

Jingle All the Whey – What do you get when you take a handful of blueberries, two apples, peanut butter, whey powder, holiday cheer, and love, and mix them in a blender? You get a holiday classic. James and Chaz are competing for Rhonda’s attention in this Christmas romcom, and it seems like everything can go wrong (except Chaz’s push-up form!). Grab your popcorn, your hot chocolate, and max out your reps on love in this ‘whey’ cozy Christmas movie! 4.7 stars.

 

12 Daze of Christmas – Filmed entirely in an Oregon dispensary, this fresh take on a Christmas tale that’s been told is sure to delight. Doug, our protagonist, is a pothead who loves Christmas, and second chances. But is he repeating the same day over and over until he learns his Christmas lesson, or just stoned out of his gourd? Join him as he attempts to learn the meaning of Christmas, between handfuls of Doritos of course! 4.9 stars.

 

p12259070_p_v8_aaThe Spirit of Christmas – This new holiday classic will leave you haunted … with feelings of joy. Go on a New England journey that involves ghosts, murder, treachery … and love. Remember, Christmas isn’t just about the gifts! 4.1 stars.

 

Groom for Improvement – This holiday hidden gem, release in 2012 with one of the strongest crops of Christmas classic movies, is waiting to be discovered again. Just like JoAnn discovers David, her neighbor who may not have always brushed his teeth, but he always brushes aside racism. This movie answers the question, ‘can there be an interracial Christmas movie that works on so many levels?” Turn on your TV, get ready to smile, and say it with me, the answer is undoubtedly yes. 4.2 stars.

 

Mall a Day for the Holiday – Disgraced Candice can’t seem to do anything right after she was shunned from the public eye for divorcing her cheating politician husband. But this Christmas, she won’t stop going from mall to mall looking for the perfect gift to win over her teenaged children. This movie embraces sexism on a level that is hardly comprehensible, which makes it this year’s favorite in the ‘what have we become as a society’ pool at work. Get a bottle of liquor, or two, and accept the fact that double standards are up while moral standards our down in the hell whole that is quickly becoming the United States of America. 4.7 stars.

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Du Jour of the Week

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Attn: Ellen (1/14/15)

Front

Ellen202a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen202b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

As I’m sure you remember, I’m getting married soon! Leading up to this my fiancé has been good about having us write thank you notes. I like to try and be creative, but I also have a tendency to forget that not everyone finds joking about taking the lovely basket so-and-so got, putting it behind a glass so we have … a basket case living with us! Get it!?

Also sometimes my jokes just aren’t funny.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

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Attn: Ellen

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Corporate Humor

My friend Juicebox suggested I write a post about classic corporate jokes. Oh how I loathe these. He sits right by me at work and hears when I do my fake laugh over some standard line. But I take part in these. I do the fake laugh, and I say the standard response. It’s like when you get a corporate job you’re going to a Catholic Church service. When the co-worker says “The word of the Lord” you say “Thanks be to God.”

Today’s joke that inspired this conversation was a co-worker coming in and saying, “did you miss me?” To which I replied “who are you again?” Oh so funny. Stop me if I’m too cutting edge here.

The Haircut Joke (read about my favorite response to being asked about a haircut HERE)

“Did you get a hair cut?”
“More than just one!”

The Lunchtime Joke

(Seeing co-workers walking in with food.)
“Oh lunchtime, huh? What’d you bring me?”

The Monday Joke

“How’s it going?”
“Well at least it’s not Monday!”
“Oh ho ho .. HA! Ha ha ha!”

The Any Day but Friday Joke

“Is it Friday yet?”
“Haha! Oh boy, I wish!”
“Hey (random coworker’s name who is nearby), you invent that time machine yet?”
“I’m still working on the printer that never jams that you asked for last week!”
(And then everyone instantaneously explodes out of the sheer stupidity of it all.)

That One

“Working hard? Or hardly working?”

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Du Jour of the Week

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