Today I woke up and I had the goal of going on a jog.
Actually wait, let me tell you a little something first. I just bought new sneakers and they are oh so pretty. They were a birthday gift from myself to myself – which makes me worry about how boring I have become.
Starting a story with an aside. What have I done? This makes me think of my grandparents. They’ll be talking about breakfast (old people latch onto boring topics), and then one of them will mention delicious cantaloupe, and then,
“Oh … yes … that cantaloupe was good. Wilbur, where did we get that cantaloupe?” The grandma asks.
“Hm?” The grandpa asks.
“The cantaloupe!” The grandma yells/whines.
“It’s good. You remember that really good cantaloupe we had?” The grandpa asks.
Quick note. Sorry, old people, for teasing you on the memory – I’ll have no memory when I’m old so justice will be served. Hell, God may even smite me down now. Where am I!??! BUT, seriously, old people, WHY do you remember the most worthless parts of stories? And again, I already know I’m doomed to this fate. “Oh I remember the day I met your grandmother …” I’ll say sweetly to my grandchildren, “it was cloudy.” And that’d be the whole story.
Back the to conversation.
“Wilbur!” The grandmother then says angrily, she seems to think her husband being old with the limited memory is a façade. Every day he wakes up and giggles, and whispers to the mirror, “I am such a prankster!”
“Hm?” The grandpa asks.
“Where did we get that cantaloupe?” The grandma asks.
“Mm. From Tom and his wife.” The grandpa says, without care.
“No! … It wasn’t them. It was Tom’s old neighbor … who drove that Cadillac.” The grandma says.
Now, here we go onto a four minute car talk. Like a family tree, but of cars. “It was before we had the Buick … but after the (insert old people car here) …”
Following this we’d get back to the fabled cantaloupe, the story would conclude with no progress, with the final thing said being,
“Well, anyway, it was good cantaloupe.” The grandma would say this in an annoyed tone. She now somewhat hates the cantaloupe.
Anyhow – the run didn’t happen. I was too lazy.
DumbFunnery 
Comments on: "A Little Story About Jogging" (8)
Cantaloupe! Are you mad? A full cantaloupe is about 300 calories which will take a jog of about 5 km in distance to work off. Wait a minute … Did you buy the running shoes in guilty anticipation of a melon based food binge and you are actually using the Grandma story as a cover?
Wait a minute, are you the same ape psychologist that I’ve been seeing these past 4 years? I didn’t know you were on wordpress!
I’d like to hear more about the cantaloupe. Have your grandparents call me ASAP.
You got it – I’ll just tell them a talking camel “needs to know” and they’ll be fine with it.
Oh so true. When I want my husband to pin down a date, I always ask him, “What were you driving at the time?” That’ll do it.
haha! Thank you! And thanks for checking out my blog!
That was just a great piece Brad. I could see this one being in a magazine.
On a side note, I’m now really craving cantaloupe.
thank you sir!
Haha yesss my investment in the cantaloupe market has finally paid off …