The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘dumbfunnery’

DumbFunnery Resume

DumbFunnery

dumbfunnery@gmail.com
@dumbfunnery (Twitter)

OBJECTIVE

Make that dollar dollar bill by writing the same kind of nonsense I currently write for free. This doesn’t make sense, it makes DOLLARS – just give me the money and laugh at my jokes. (Please.)

EDUCATION

  • Square-danced twice in towns you’ve never heard of

  • Self-taught for the most part

  • Been called “unbelievable” three times for various reasons

  • GPA: Private (But trust me it’s good)

EMPLOYMENT

Writing Letters to Ellen DeGeneres
Self-Appointed Mission from Myself
September 2010 – Present

  • Championing the revival of the USPS via weekly postcards

  • Entertains postal workers with well-articulated drivel

  • Unrelenting pursuit of some time on the chair, chit-chatting with Miss Ellen

  • Maintains a record of the crazy which is available at: https://dumbfunnery.com/dear-ellen/

Poet Laureate of Three Apartments (Units, not Complexes)
Family of “poets” has led to this genetic and well-groomed “gift”
October 2009 – Present

  • Arranged words to make phrases that end in words that rhyme

  • Inspired by friends and Ogden Nash

Champion of YouTube
Director, Producer, Editor, and Star
December 2009 – Present

  • Enlisted the help of a dedicated team composed largely of myself

  • Motivated by boredom and an ability to amuse myself greatly

  • Helping to prove that people really do put just about anything on the Internet these days

Honing My Self-Imposed Awkward State of Being Which is Source Material
Living the Dream, Man, Just Living the Dream
August 1984 – Present

  • Befriended numerous people while living in: North Carolina, Oregon, Korea, Alaska, Kansas, New York, Georgia, Arizona, Texas (Dallas), California, Texas (Houston) (Go Army Brats!)

  • Produced any number of imaginary versions of myself which are at once super human in skills, intelligence, looks, charm, charisma, and humility

SPECIAL SKILLS

Too many to name. Ask me about it in person sometime.

HONORS AND AFFILIATIONS

  • Comment from anonymous online website visitor, “Mom,” made the bold claim that dumbfunnery.com is the greatest place on the internet

  • Descriptions of my dancing range from being told I’m an amazing dancer, to looking like a “caterpillar”

  • Via my Twitter account (@DumbFunnery) I corresponded with a local celebrity (I made a joke to a local news anchor’s account, he responded with an “LOL”)

My Tribute to Dave

My Zombie Roomy (3/6/12)

I’ve heard, possibly read (I really can’t remember) that dogs can be very in tune with your emotional state. They know when you’re down, and using their keen dog intellect they don’t make you take them for a walk right before bed? Who knows.

Anyway. I think the Zombie has something like this going on.

I am what I would call “actively single” right now. That’s another way of saying I haven’t been on a date in a while. The usual signs are there. I’m eating healthier. I’m exercising a lot. I’m reading more. It’s terrible. I do these things to primp myself until I trick some pretty lady into dating me, then BOOM, back to eating whatever I want and video games.

The Zombie, sweet undead fella that he is, has realized that in my actively single state I am wishing I had a girlfriend so I could be lazy. Also, you know, romance.

The last few hands I’ve caught him munching on have been men’s hands. With wedding rings on them. Isn’t the Zombino the sweetest?

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