The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Amazing! I don’t know how these things happen, but I found a transcript of a conversation THE William Shakespeare had with a certain love interest. Here we go, from me to you!

* * *

William Shakespeare (WS): Hey honey. I’m home.
Love Interest (LI): Darling!! How was your day?
WS: Not bad, not bad. I drank, and I wrote a play.
LI: Oh! I’m so proud of you!!
WS: Thanks. It’s called Hamlet.
LI: Aw! Did you write it while you were thinking of me? Like how your ex inspired you to write Romeo and Juliet with your amazing love?
WS: Uh … Yeah I actually did think about you while I wrote this.
LI: We can talk later! Let me read it!! Wow! I’m your muse!!

(Later that day)

LI: What the hell, Bill.
WS: You read it?
LI: Uh. Yeah.
WS: Ha … so … did you like it?
LI: Talk about your all time passive aggressive.
WS: What? With my ex I thought about love so strong you couldn’t live without it. With you I thought of … murder. It’s just a different dynamic?
LI: I seriously hate you.
WS: Awww come on!
LI: How can you think our relationship is good if, while dating me, you write a play where EVERYONE DIES.
WS: Life is fleeting. Just like relationships.
LI: …
WS: Oh. Whoops. Haha! Um, no. Let me say that again. Life is fleeting. Unlike our relationship?
LI: …
WS: …Who wants ice cream?

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