DumbFunnery

Recently I was thinking about the range of emotions a dog must experience as soon as it’s mom/dad/master/owner (whatever category of dog owner you consider yourself) gets home. It must be pretty crazy.

Think about it, imagine if your BEST FRIEND in the WHOLE WORLD for some GOD FORSAKEN REASON locked you in a small apartment with no bathroom and then left for eight plus hours most days of the week … Can you imagine how excited you’d be when he/she got home? You’d be stir-crazy, a little loopy from being alone all day with no one to talk to, and … you would have to use the bathroom in ways that would make communicating your need almost impossible.

It’s pretty incredible dogs have pure love for their food-providers/captors/best friends/bathroom-withholding tormenters.

Here we go, the breakdown of a dog’s emotions:

1. 100% excitement at seeing you, so much excitement that their body cannot be in one place at one time, it needs to be everywhere at all times
2. 100% excitement knowing that dinner is coming up
3. 100% excitement that they will get to go outside to clear up some space for dinner … (hey, it’s true)
4. 100% excitement that they can finally stop sitting around being bored and finally doing something awesome like sit around beside you while you watch TV – HELL YEAH ADVENTURE!
5. 100% excitement that they can tell you about this dream they had … wait … the dog is having trouble expressing him/herself … allow the pooch to just run in small circles in front of you to convey the deep psychological meanings of the dream

Appreciate dogs, folks. Because if you left me home alone like that I would be giving you a silent treatment, sulking in one corner (what’s in the other corner?) … and there’s no way I could’ve held it. Get the Spot treatment out.