The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

You Rock, Rock

Lindsay Stallings, class of 1482, who had become a part of a major street in New York City was recently lost. The killer is believed to have been a jackhammer, the end of far too many of us.

Joe Bishop, class of 400 B.C., recently returned from a world tour. Over the hundreds of years since graduating, Joe has eroded into the size of a pebble, which he believes helped him take this tour. “I was eaten by a really dumb bird and … Well, ‘dropped off’ in the Atlantic Ocean. From there I had a series of carriers – my favorite is a tie between a whale and a Russian soldiers boot – and I somehow made it back home to Nova Scotia. Funny thing is, my wife had only just noticed I was gone. She’s pretty stoic, even for a rock.” The university would like to extend its congratulations to Joe for a long, wonderful life and his recent world tour.

Look out everyone because we now have our most famous classmate: Thomas St. Luis, class of 1242 was apparently used as the model for a meteorite in a recent movie depicting an ‘end of days scenario.’

Catastrophe turned into true love for graduate Charlotte O’Hare, class of 22 A.D., recently. “I was close to a GORGEOUS rock, flirting and feeling things out, when all the sudden I was kicked! Some little trio of human boys, walking and KICKING me! Kicking me along like I’m just some OBJECT! Me! A direct descendant of the Mt. Kilimanjaro line! Anyhow … luck was on my side that day because I ended up being kicked right into the patient arms of my now husband, Doug.” Congratulations to Charlotte and Doug!

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