Congratulations to my parents, who have hit 37 years of marriage! (As I had mentioned earlier when I explained the 37th anniversary gift.)
Earlier today I talked to my mom and I asked her, “what’s the secret to 37 years of marriage? What have you learned?” She responded with a bunch of words, which I was not expecting. I had hoped for a politician-like sound byte. Perhaps, “hard work, good old fashioned American can do attitudes, and a winning smile!” Something that sounded good, but really wasn’t saying anything.
Instead she said … stuff.
One of the items she mentioned was also something I had heard at a lecture: the idea of how 50/50 is bad. It seems counter-intuitive (at least to me) but just wait, you’ll see it will make sense.
In a successful relationship, you should plan and want to give 60% of the effort. If you’re in a bad relationship, your counterpart now has it made. If you’re in a good relationship you’ve got two people who want to give 60%, which is great. It doesn’t make sense mathematically, but it’s great. Here’s what that buys you:
If you go into something 50/50, you may end up paying attention to how much the other person has contributed. I did the dishes last night, now it’s your turn. That sort of thing … But if you go into something thinking you’ll be giving 60% then you will not sweat the small stuff. You won’t think before acting if it should actually be the other person’s turn.
So there you go, from my mom and some random lecturing person … A tip for a long-lasting relationship!
Congrats again to the parentals!