The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

“So … That’s a No?”

“Corruption and envy and lust for power. Cruelty and coldness. A vicious, probing curiosity. Pure, poisonous, toxic malice. You have never from your earliest years shown a shred of compassion or sympathy or kindness without calculating how it would return to your advantage. You have tortured and killed without regret or hesitation; you have betrayed and intrigued and gloried in your treachery. You are a cesspit of moral filth.”

The Amber Spyglass, by Philip Pullman

When I read this I thought, woah, that’s some insult. Then I imagined myself memorizing this phrase, or having it handy for when I get a call from a salesperson.

“We noticed you’re not currently getting … Would you like to embrace this opportunity to make yourself a better person by paying us money?”
I respond with that crazy thing. Maybe leaving out the part about murder and torture, maybe not.
“So … That’s a no?”

Comments on: "“So … That’s a No?”" (1)

  1. The salesman breaks down in tears at your words. You assure them that you didn’t mean it, that it was a quote from a book, and that you just don’t like being bothered about sales. The salesman then informs you that they understand, they too don’t like getting calls from strangers selling them things, but they’ve got kids to feed and they’d been without work for awhile until they got the this job. They’re trying to make enough money while they put themselves through college to move on to a better career, but it’s hard and frankly they’re not sure if they can do it. But they press on for the sake of little Tomika, and Cara. Then they’ll tell you they’re sorry they bothered you with all their woes and will probably be reprimanded for it, or even fired. At that point you’ll offer to purchase some of the product just so they won’t get in in trouble.

    And there you have it. You’ve given in to the salesman, and all because you quoted Philip Pullman’s series about killing God.

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