The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Today, if you are somehow still unaware, is Valentine’s Day. Today is a day that is dedicated to showing your affections to someone. This is a great concept – “hey, remember your significant other? In case you had forgotten this day is a slap in the face to remind you of why that person is your significant other!”

Unfortunately, the day has become associated with proving your affections rather than showing them. And you can’t have proof without hard evidence in the form of stuff that costs money. I’m not saying this is the case for everyone, but as a guy this is the fear. You had better have planned some kind of magical night that shows just how much you care, or you will be compared to the idealized version of what romance is on Valentine’s Day, and you will be seen as lesser. So step it up, hot shot.

But wait. What if today was Valentine’s Day in a romantic comedy? (A stereotypically adored thing by these feared female significant others.)


Here’s what you do: Tell your date to get dressed up and you do the same. Bring her some flowers, a card, and head to a beautiful, out of your budget, fancy place for dinner. Tell the host or hostess (maître d’ if you’re real fancy) your name and that you are a party of two. At that moment you will hear those dreaded words, “I’m sorry … Your name is not on the list …”

What!? But you made the reservation like a MONTH ago!

You go back and forth but eventually leave, dejected. Your significant other is telling you that guy was a jerk, and that maybe you guys could just go home and make dinner together, that’d be sweet? And you say “NO! If you … If you don’t mind some subpar foods I’ve got an idea …”

You drive her home, tell her to change into something comfortable (not “something … comfortable“) and say you’ll be back. In reality though, you never had reservations, but you do have a simple picnic lunch in your trunk. Some turkey sandwiches, cut up fruit, and a little dessert. You wait around a bit then drive to a nearby park. It’s romantic and cheap. You win!

(In the romantic comedy the guy probably WOULD have had reservations, and the last minute fix picnic meal would truly have been a last minute fix … But hey, different route, same conclusion, so it’s all good right?)


Just buy or make something that shows how much you care and it is something she would adore because it’s some quirky thing that only she would enjoy and that shows that you know her really well. Something like that.

Best of luck, folks.

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