The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘valentines day’

Happy Valentine’s Day, Fellow Baby

It’s Valentine’s Day. Hurray?

At my son’s school we can get Valentine’s cards to have the kids give each other. Adorable, most likely. A bunch of 12 – 24 month olds handing tiny little cards to each other, pretending to read them saying, ‘ba ba ba ba? Ba ba.’

But here’s the disappointing news – we aren’t supposed to write in the cards! This, of course, makes me want to write in the cards.

white black and red person carrying heart illustration in brown envelope

Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com

Here’s what I would write:

‘Hey babe, you, me, Tijuana, and lots of mistakes – this weekend?’

‘Of all the babies, you are my least favorite. Your nose is always runny and it’s gross.’ (I know exactly who I’d want my son to give this to.)

‘When the grown ups aren’t looking we should begin the revolution.’

‘Sometimes when I poop my pants and sit in my diaper … it’s like a warm, squishy hug on my tush.’

‘You can never defeat me.’

‘Oh my God I love your hair. Nah I’m kidding girl you look like a mess.’

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone.

Attn: Ellen (2/14/18)

Front

Ellen338a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

 

Ellen338b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

This Valentine’s Day prove to someone your love by buying them something nicer than they got you. Then say something sweet like, “I guess I do love you more” and really spice up the night by adding “did you EVER love me or has this all been a sham?” Spicy!

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Back Up – It’s Holiday Time Ya’ll

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen: Valentine’s Day and President’s Day have joined forces and we can now expect Valentine’s Day cards that also celebrate Presidents.
Personally, I think it’s a great idea.
Lesser known or oft-forgotten presidents can finally get their time in the lime-light.
Look for new classic cards like:
“My heart Van Burens for you”
And, uh …
“Wanna go to Cleveland?”
Well. This is tougher than I thought it’d be. How about …
19_rutherford_b_hayes

“Rutherford B. Hayes girl … what’s up?”

Blech.
Ok, nevermind everybody. Let’s keep romance and the presidents separated.
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