The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

I don’t know if you’ve gotten married, or graduated from high school or college, but for me those occasions are marked by one thing in common: sending announcements to people I don’t know because my mom told me to.

The announcements are sent not with the expectation of a person or family attending, but just as a “Hey check out it, we were friends once, and my son is older and things are going on in his life. Just FYI.”

Not that I would find this funny at that moment, but in retrospect I would really find it funny if something happened and NOT ONE person I have invited who I expect to be there actually shows up … But EVERY person I send an invite to not expecting to show up is in attendance.

Wouldn’t that be fun?

Me: “Hey thank you all so much for coming out and sharing this day with us! It means so much to see you here, um …”
My Mom (to me): “That’s Lisa. She drove me to the hospital when I was in labor with you.”
Me (to my mom): “Oh cool, so you guys have remained buddies?”
Lisa: “Which kid is this? This is your oldest?”
Me: “…Uh … Thanks for coming out Lisa!”

The fiancé: “Brad and I just want to thank you so much for being here! We’re so lucky to have so many people who are so important to Brad be here with us!”
My Mom (to Miss Fiancé and I): “That’s Kurt. When Brad had a see-saw incident and got one of his teeth stuck in his lip he was the admitting nurse. He had this really funny joke. What was it?”
Kurt: “What time is it? Tooth-hurty?”
My Mom: “…Oh, maybe he just says that all the time.”

Family: “Brad, we’re so happy to be here! We remember when you flooded our living room in an attempt to re-create a scene you saw from a commercial for GI Joes.”
Me: “Haha oh wow … Yeah, I am so sorry about that. Thanks for coming out – ”
Family: “We brought the bill for the water damage.”
Me: “Oh yeah, sure, my mom has it in her purse. She’s over there.”


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