The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘wedding’

Beautiful Colorado

Colorado

We drove to the top of Pike’s Peak (14,000+ feet up there!) which was frightening at times but awesome.

 

Colorado

 

Colorado

I wish I’d taken a photo to show off the scary drop.

 

Colorado

This pizza was fantastic. And they gave you honey to finish off the large non-pizza’d part of the crust!

 

Colorado

At my friend’s wedding we had a wonderful view AND rabbit guests.

Say Brad, Whatcha Got There? (Part 1)

This? It’s just my hand. Oh, wait, you’re pointing to that? That shiny thing? Well, that’s my wedding band!

No, not a musical band that is so tiny you can’t see them with your naked eye. It’s the ring. Why did I call it a band if it’s not music? I don’t know …

But come on, you’re missing the point. It’s my wedding ring band.

What’s a ring band? Umm … Sounds like a band that plays while standing in the shape of a circle at all their concerts? Why do you ask about – Oh.

Ok. Let’s try again. This? It’s my wedding ring!

Yeah, that’s right, I’m married! A married man! I say things like wife and husband and other married people things!

Yes indeed, I guess you could say I have a deeper appreciation for humanity now. I understand things better. I can empathize while planning for a sound foundation for the future. Yessirree, all this because of this magical ring!

Oh it doesn’t suddenly make me more intelligent? More compassionate? More communicative? Well, I beg to differ … Exhibit A, Why did my car insurance payment suddenly drop so dramatically? Hmmm?

That’s right, folks, this ring has changed me overnight! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go make tired jokes with my co-workers about gender-stereotype roles in a marriage.

Get Your Peanut Butter and Bread

Because we’ve got the JAM!

Tomorrow (TOMORROW!) I’m getting hitched. To a real live lady! Here’s the CD we made for guests staying at the hotel … Jam out and you’ll be at the wedding with us in spirit, old buddies, old pals!

 

Cameras by Matt and Kim
Puzzle pieces by Saint Motel (I like this video)
Call Me Irresponsible by Bobby Darin
The Escape by Wild Child
I Wanna Be Your Man by Willy Moon (Dig his footwork!)
100 Days, 100 Nights by Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings
Clouds & Cream by Sticky Fingers
Awkward by San Cisco
Daydream by The Lovin’ Spoonful
Young Love by Mystery Jets
Thank You by Mozella
Song No. 6 by Ane Brun feat. Ron Sexsmith (Fun video!)
Your Easy Lovin’ Ain’t Pleasin’ Nothin’ by Mayer Hawthorne (Are you a bit of a goober but want to be surrounded by dancing girls? Call Mayer, he’s got it figured out.)
Pioneers by The Lighthouse and The Whaler
Spotlight by Leagues
Mr Polite by The Jungle Giants (A fun video)
Heart it Races by Architecture in Helsinki
You’re My Best Friend by Queen

Attn: Ellen (1/21/15)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

In preparation for moving into my fiancé’s apartment (the wedding is Saturday!) I have been moving things to her place and had furniture donated.

My place looks like it was robbed by a book loving, summer clothes wearing, poster fan who didn’t like my couch or TV.

And for that, I thank you, imaginary criminal.

Wish me luck with this whole marriage thing, eh?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

Changes Afoot

The countdown until my wedding is really on, with the big day being less than one month away. What are some of the big changes that are coming my way?

  • Hair, hair, everywhere – my fiancé has long hair AND a dog … Hello, lint rollers
  • You know that thing where you walk around talking to yourself doing different voices because you want to see what sort of weird voices/impressions you can do? With a roommate (the wifey poo) that might now draw more questions
  • My homestead will feature Legos and Steve Martin less noticeably, instead replaced by … I don’t know, whatever boring stuff “grown-ups” have in their homes
  • Someone will notice just how much ice cream and chocolate covered raisins I consume (really, it’ll be the first time someone notices because I just eat those things – I don’t know what’s happening)
  • The Zombino will have to move out (more on this later, I know I have done a poor job of keeping people up to date on his happenings so I will catch everyone up at some point!)
  • Oh yeah and being married will be a change too

Wedding Guest List Assumptions

I don’t know if you’ve gotten married, or graduated from high school or college, but for me those occasions are marked by one thing in common: sending announcements to people I don’t know because my mom told me to.

The announcements are sent not with the expectation of a person or family attending, but just as a “Hey check out it, we were friends once, and my son is older and things are going on in his life. Just FYI.”

Not that I would find this funny at that moment, but in retrospect I would really find it funny if something happened and NOT ONE person I have invited who I expect to be there actually shows up … But EVERY person I send an invite to not expecting to show up is in attendance.

Wouldn’t that be fun?

Me: “Hey thank you all so much for coming out and sharing this day with us! It means so much to see you here, um …”
My Mom (to me): “That’s Lisa. She drove me to the hospital when I was in labor with you.”
Me (to my mom): “Oh cool, so you guys have remained buddies?”
Lisa: “Which kid is this? This is your oldest?”
Me: “…Uh … Thanks for coming out Lisa!”

The fiancé: “Brad and I just want to thank you so much for being here! We’re so lucky to have so many people who are so important to Brad be here with us!”
My Mom (to Miss Fiancé and I): “That’s Kurt. When Brad had a see-saw incident and got one of his teeth stuck in his lip he was the admitting nurse. He had this really funny joke. What was it?”
Kurt: “What time is it? Tooth-hurty?”
My Mom: “…Oh, maybe he just says that all the time.”

Family: “Brad, we’re so happy to be here! We remember when you flooded our living room in an attempt to re-create a scene you saw from a commercial for GI Joes.”
Me: “Haha oh wow … Yeah, I am so sorry about that. Thanks for coming out – ”
Family: “We brought the bill for the water damage.”
Me: “Oh yeah, sure, my mom has it in her purse. She’s over there.”

Attn: Ellen (7/23/14)

Front

Ellen DeGeneres Postcard

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen DeGeneres Postcard

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

This week, in “The Adventures of Being Engaged,” I learned that there is a product called a ‘Silicone Wisk.’ This is not another way of saying trophy wife but instead a kitchen tool.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

Why am I doing this?

%d bloggers like this: