The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

  1. You know when you’re drinking from a water fountain right next to a bathroom and someone flushes a toilet and the water pressure on the fountain changes and for a second your brain thinks about a flushing toilet while you’re drinking water? That’s how I feel when I see your face.
  1. Being around you is like eating lunch when suddenly a commercial about how many bits of dead rat, bugs, dead skin, etc are allowable in food processing.
  1. Have you ever walked to the bathroom and when you go inside you see that the stalls are full so you do an about face and leave the bathroom and your boss and boss’s boss are right there and they give you a quizzical look and you feel awkward so you say, “changed my mind!” but then you realize you should’ve just kept silent and walked away, but now you’re feeling like you can’t leave on the ‘changed my mind’ note so you force a laugh and that just makes things worse. It’s like … being around you feels like that.
  2. Have Clint Eastwood’s resting face.

    And this is him looking forward to seeing someone.

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