Mountain Cottontail: Hey, I’m a –
God: You’re a fast little fella! That’s what you are. Ok, what can I do for you?
Mountain Cottontail: Well, I love my fur. Thank you for that. It’s just, …
God: You’re sick of the sex jokes?
Mountain Cottontail: Nah. Those I kinda like. But, I –
God: Wish you had opposoble thumbs?
Mountain Cottontail: Huh? You mean opposable?
God: No … It’s like … It’s a joke I’m working on where a human has two opposable thumbs but they hate each other. They’re opposite! It’s … it’s gonna be good, just give it time.
Mountain Cottontail: Can we …
God: Right. Yes. Go ahead.
Mountain Cottontail: It’s just that, I see other animals running away from predators, or fighting back, or even some animals aren’t hunted at all, and I wish I had a different defense.
God: You’ve got a great defensive instinct! I thought that was a neat trick!
Mountain Cottontail: Neat trick or a joke?
God: Um … kinda both, to be honest.
Mountain Cottontail: ‘Hey kids, today we’ll learn about how to evade a predator! You just stand there. Super still. Don’t move!’ It’s embarrassing.
God: No, see, it’s –
Mountain Cottontail: ‘But dad! Isn’t that how mom died?’
God: Oh come on, it’s –
Mountain Cottontail: ‘Yeah, and twelve of my twenty brothers. They waited till the last second, tried to run but NOPE. DEAD.’
God: (audible deep breath)
Mountain Cottontail: Can you please do something?
God: Ok. Sure. I’m going to make your poops tiny, adorable little pellets.
Mountain Cottontail: How does that –
God: Look! Ploop ploop! Look at those! Hahaha how adorable!
Mountain Cottontail: (audible sigh)
Mountain Cottontail Defense
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