The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘nature’

Attn: Ellen (3/14/18)

Front

Ellen342a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen342b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

My how daydreams change. When I was in middle school I read RoboTech and fantasy books and pictured myself in their worlds.

Now I see beautiful national parks and think of packing up the car and going camping with my family.

Both are escapes, but my how daydreams change.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

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Attn: Ellen (3/7/18)

Front

Ellen341a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen341b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

Nature, like babies, can somehow be both terrifying and beautiful at the same time.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

Mountain Cottontail Defense

God: NEXT!
Mountain Cottontail: Hey, I’m a –
God: You’re a fast little fella! That’s what you are. Ok, what can I do for you?
Mountain Cottontail: Well, I love my fur. Thank you for that. It’s just, …
God: You’re sick of the sex jokes?
Mountain Cottontail: Nah. Those I kinda like. But, I –
God: Wish you had opposoble thumbs?
Mountain Cottontail: Huh? You mean opposable?
God: No … It’s like … It’s a joke I’m working on where a human has two opposable thumbs but they hate each other. They’re opposite! It’s … it’s gonna be good, just give it time.
IMG_20171108_072129292~2Mountain Cottontail: Can we …
God: Right. Yes. Go ahead.
Mountain Cottontail: It’s just that, I see other animals running away from predators, or fighting back, or even some animals aren’t hunted at all, and I wish I had a different defense.
God: You’ve got a great defensive instinct! I thought that was a neat trick!
Mountain Cottontail: Neat trick or a joke?
God: Um … kinda both, to be honest.
Mountain Cottontail: ‘Hey kids, today we’ll learn about how to evade a predator! You just stand there. Super still. Don’t move!’ It’s embarrassing.
God: No, see, it’s –
Mountain Cottontail: ‘But dad! Isn’t that how mom died?’
God: Oh come on, it’s –
Mountain Cottontail: ‘Yeah, and twelve of my twenty brothers. They waited till the last second, tried to run but NOPE. DEAD.’
God: (audible deep breath)
Mountain Cottontail: Can you please do something?
God: Ok. Sure. I’m going to make your poops tiny, adorable little pellets.
Mountain Cottontail: How does that –
God: Look! Ploop ploop! Look at those! Hahaha how adorable!
Mountain Cottontail: (audible sigh)
God: NEXT!

Attn: Ellen (4/12/17)

Front

Ellen304a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen304b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

I wonder how many photographers have taken a magical picture like this only to get home, look at the picture, notice a giant horse penis.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (12/14/16)

Front

ellen290a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

ellen290b

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

With Christmas fast approaching and shopping areas turning into horrifying parking experiences wrought with feelings where you smash the palms of your hands into your eyes as though that’ll help – I’d recommend people have nature documentaries … wait no, those can be depressing … How about just pretty pictures of animals? Have those at the ready. See, isn’t life better just remembering how pretty things can be?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com
Card via underatreeprints.com

Why am I doing this?

Attn: Ellen (8/10/16)

Front

Ellen272a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen272b

The text of the postcard is

Wind, snow, rain, the sun
Witness the artists at play
Editing their work

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR @DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

My (Prairie) Dogs Are Barking

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A few weeks ago my wife and I were driving home and we saw one, two, three … I have no idea how many, but a bunch of prairie dogs! How cool!

A few days later we headed out on our bikes. I was convinced I’d be able get a good close-up picture of these little buggers.

Apparently, though, cars don’t cause those guys to sound the alarm … but bikers, joggers and walkers do. Try as I might, I couldn’t get nearly as close as I was when zipping by them in my car.

I don’t know which intrepid prairie dogs were the first ones to take up home next to a busy road, but they have learned to think nothing of cars. When you think about it, that’s a pretty crazy and intelligent step for them. Was it a quick step? Or was the first family of prairie dogs that lived near a road a family that was constantly on edge? Constantly out chirping at each other,

“Alan! Steve! Get back in here! There’s trouble afoot! … Oh it’s gone. Ok nevermind. WAIT! NO! Trouble afoot again! Wait, gone ag – IT’S B … Ok, gone. NO!”

You get the idea.

DumbFunnery.com will kindly allow you to buy me a fancy camera so I can get a great picture from a distance. Really, I don’t mind at all. Buy me one. It’s totally cool.

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