The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

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Obvious Observations, part 1

I’m 30 now. And married. And I think these two things entitle me to have formed some pretty obvious observations.

For example, I’m sitting and having lunch (I’m here trying to read a book to be a better coder but instead I’m doing this …). At a table near me are three high school kids. Two girls and a guy. The girls are laughing a lot. Now, maybe this guy is the funniest guy in the world. But you know what? Probably not. (He’s too handsome to be that funny, no one needs to be both funny AND attractive.)

When I was younger, if I said something trying to be funny and a girl laughed a lot, I didn’t get it. I didn’t think, ‘oh she’s flirting‘ or ‘oh she likes me.’ I thought, ‘that wasn’t that funny, why is she laughing?’ And if I had a crush on the girl laughing, it was a neurotic, self-harming thought like, ‘that wasn’t that funny … is she mocking me?’

Thankfully, by the time I turned 28 and met my now wife, I’d managed to sort out a few things like – sometimes people laugh really hard at dumb things because they happen to find them funny and sometimes if someone is interested in you they ask questions about things they probably find boring not to confuse you but to show interest in you and make you feel like a hot shot.

You heard it here first folks. Think back on your conversations – if someone laughed a ton and things you said that aren’t that funny, or if someone showed a lot of interest in your joy over something most consider boring … that person just may like you. Or maybe they are setting you up to mock you at a school assembly. You can’t be sure.

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Was That You?

The area where my work is located is also great for jogging. It’s a suburb of Houston that has a lot of sidewalks and you can map out a bunch of different routes for different mileage. Plus, since I lived near work for so long, jogging around that area makes perfect sense.

Except.

Except for the occasional honk from a co-worker driving by. But wait, you might think, isn’t that nice? A little cheer from a co-worker? Yes, you’re right, it is nice.

But.

But what if at that moment I’m doing something I’d rather a co-worker didn’t see?

  1. Getting angry at a car waiting for a light to turn green that has pulled up onto the walkway. (Darn you.)
  2. Getting angry at a car inching forward to turn right on red while only looking left (meanwhile I am to the driver’s right hoping he/she sees me and trying to determine what to do).
  3. Musical butt (sorry … but it’s true)
  4. The runner’s nose blow (where you use a finger to plug one nostril, then just BLOW from the other nostril and whala, nasal passage re-enabled!)
  5. That time I grew out my Abraham Lincoln/Amish facial hair and ran shirtless during the summer (6’3 of skinny whiteness with a thick tuft of neck beard … blech) (Thankfully this is not a current scene that can be witnessed, but I do can still easily look like a nut while running – as seen here)

 

Thank you for supporting your local jogging enthusiasts while they are out doing their thing, just please wipe the memory from your mind if I look crazy/mean/smelly.

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Hit Show Premises

I

A young man who is a compulsive gambler visits Yemen and, easy tiger!, knocks up four women in three days!? Then, tragically, the four young mothers die during childbirth. It’s “All In” the story of a young father trying to raise four kids … while raising the bet.

II

A young man made entirely of yeast visits Russia and, woah there!, knocks up three women in two days!? Then, tragically, the three young mothers die during childbirth. It’s “Go Yeast, Young Man!” the story of a young father trying to raise three children … while raising himself.

III

A young man who is actually a goat visits Greece and, hey now!, knocks up five women in one day!? Then, tragically, the five young mothers die during childbirth. It’s “Grazing Kids Ain’t Easy” the story of a young father trying to raise five kids while grazing, himself.

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