The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘TV’

Chum Week

Dear TV,

Have I got an idea for YOU!

Shark Week.

We all know it, we all love it, or at least pretend to love it to take part in mentioning it over and over. It’s a week of TV, and it’s all about sharks. Where do they shop? What do they eat? What’s their biggest fear (water spiders? do those exist?)? Etc, etc.

Sharks, sharks, sharks.

But what about the little guys who help bring us that grand affair, huh? What about the chum?


Recently I saw my brother and I was wearing this shirt. He asked if I was making a statement about shark week … you know, think of the little guy. Thus – THIS POST!

For example, maybe there are some recipes for chum that even people would like. Mmmm, smells tasty mom! Is that various fish parts and blood?! Yum! Wait, now with seasoning!? Aw mom, you’re the best!!

What was the chum up to before it was caught, thrown into some factory-sized blender, and cranked out in buckets to attract our pals at SHARK WEEK?

And hey, speaking of chums, maybe we profile some famous buddies in addition to the fish guts. Didn’t Abraham Lincoln hang out with Nikola Tesla, or did I just make up that entirely false bit of trivia just this moment?

I don’t know, you’ll have to tune into Chum Week to find out.

(P.S. Naturally, chum week will have to occur right before shark week. It is only fitting.)

More Bang for Their Buck

Have you heard about this? Some networks are slightly speeding up the speed of shows, a small enough amount that most people won’t notice, but enough to fit in a little bit more commercial time so they can generate more ad revenue?

Imagine if you could do this in conversations.

“Excuse me, I want to hear what you’re saying but I’ve got a lot to do today so … Just speak into this mic and I’ll listen to you later at a 10% faster speed.”

Or you can do this without being rude. If life is moving too fast, move to a small town in the south where the accents are slow and the pace of life is slower. If life is moving too slow, move to a city where to-the-point conversations are the norm (I’m looking at you, stereotypical New Yorkers).

Here’s an example someone made a while back of a 7.5% speed up of a Seinfeld episode on TBS, and a more recent 9% speed up of Seinfeld. Comedy with timing skewed? That’s especially wrong.

Hit Show Premises


A young man who is a compulsive gambler visits Yemen and, easy tiger!, knocks up four women in three days!? Then, tragically, the four young mothers die during childbirth. It’s “All In” the story of a young father trying to raise four kids … while raising the bet.


A young man made entirely of yeast visits Russia and, woah there!, knocks up three women in two days!? Then, tragically, the three young mothers die during childbirth. It’s “Go Yeast, Young Man!” the story of a young father trying to raise three children … while raising himself.


A young man who is actually a goat visits Greece and, hey now!, knocks up five women in one day!? Then, tragically, the five young mothers die during childbirth. It’s “Grazing Kids Ain’t Easy” the story of a young father trying to raise five kids while grazing, himself.

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