The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Archive for the ‘Weekly Wacko’ Category

Oh, THERE’S Waldo

This past weekend I went to a minor league hockey game, with the Houston Aeros playing the Binghamton Senators for the Calder’s Cup (let’s go Aeros!).

Not too long after I sat down, none other than Waldo walked by.

That’s fun, right? Dressing up like Waldo at a crowded event? Pretty funny and clever I think.

What really cracked me up though was a little phone conversation Waldo had. He pulled out his phone, called someone, and,

“Hey! … Yeah look up … Look behind you …” That’s when Waldo stood up, waving his cane a bit, “Can you see me?”

Are you serious!? Waldo was, without a trace of humor, and without telling his friend, starting a real-life Where’s Waldo! And no one around was cracking up at this!

(Not the Wizard, not the girl version of Waldo, not Odlaw, not the dog … not even Waldo’s old nemesis Odlaw. I couldn’t resist this joke, sorry.)

The guy probably came as Waldo to reach one goal – the jumbotron …

I have a new goal in life, and it is to get a few friends together, dress up in the various Waldo character costumes, and go hang out together. Head to a bar, maybe a sporting event. For any geek who spent too much time looking at Where’s Waldo books it’d be like a dream come true – they will have finally found all of them, and they won’t have to deal with the feeling of having just wasted time for no reason.

[I’ll also add that Waldo drank a lot, and got pretty aggressive with his yelling … which also makes me laugh, to think that maybe Waldo was hiding not from you, but from the police. He had probably just committed aggravated assault.]

Category:

Weekly Wacko

Tagged with:

Don’t Ask, Don’t Have to be Told

This might be something the parties involved don’t want on the internet – so I’ll be discreet. A certain unnamed mother of mine, and a certain unnamed sister of mine were talking one night about going to Wal-Mart.

What? I couldn’t believe it.

“It’s like … 9 o’clock … why do you guys want to go to Wal-Mart right now?”

“We just want to go,” came the quick, but cordial response.

“Who goes to Wal-Mart at 9 pm? What’re we in middle school? I mean – I’m game for it too, but you guys are weird.”

“Brad,” just like the various combinations of red, blue and green combine to make so many colors, this ‘mom character’s’ tone, stance, and expression can combine to make so many things left unsaid well understood.

That Aunt Flo and her surprise visits.

Category:

Weekly Wacko

Tagged with:

The Care and Taming of a Romance Novel

For too long in my life, I couldn’t tell if a man was an unrepentant rogue. Then, fortune smiled on me, and I ran across The Care and Taming of a Rogue by Suzanne Enoch. A romance novel.

I took a trip about a year ago and as part of the trip I thought of a funny little idea. I’d buy a romance novel, and then the navigator would read out loud the romance novel. I thought it’d be hysterical. With this idea I headed to a bookstore and picked up the above-mentioned book. The back says, among other things:

“How to tell if a man is an unrepentant rogue:
1. He has no patience for frivolous debutantes
2. He kisses you after a single dance
3. He makes you forget yourself and kiss him back …”

Fantastic! It’d be funny for sure, but …

The reading of the book didn’t happen on the trip, but then another idea struck. I’ll read the book (I’d always wanted to give a romance novel a try), and then I’d read out loud the more hysterical lines, making a video for the blog. The video would either be just me reading, or a slideshow of pictures that have no relation to the book – like pictures of Betty White and kittens and dragons.

At first I read the book very slowly, a couple of pages a week randomly. Eventually I hit a line that made me laugh out loud:

“For a moment he thought he’d embarrassed her into muteness – which would be a damned shame. Then she sighed, a sound that he instantly memorized, and one that he wanted to hear again. Repeatedly.”

Yes! My plan was going well! I’d read this out loud in ridiculous voices, and it’d be oh-so-funny. But where are the dang sex scenes!? At that point I was about a fifth of the way into the book and no one had had sex! What kind of trashy beach romance novel is this! (I’ve since learned that, apparently, these books don’t tend to have a bunch of sex. It’s more about the story. Pfft.)

Finally, I hit the sex scene. Ow ow! Whooo! Woof woof woof! Awoooooga! You know, zagga-za and all that. I was reading, laughing, shocked and shocked. I really had expected a more Victorian style approach. Everything implied, nothing explicit. But nope. There it was, boom-shockah-shockah-sexxin’s happening.

That’s when I realized I couldn’t read this book out loud to laugh about it. A terrible realization. There’s no funny to be had? Then I’m done here.

Except … oh my … wait, what!!? What’s happened!?

The purpose of the book was shot but I had actually been SUCKED IN BY A ROMANCE NOVEL! NO! I knew it was wrong. It went against nature, but I couldn’t stop. I had to know how Captain Bennett Wolfe was going to get back at that jerk Langley. Ugh! Langley.

I read the book to the end and. I really didn’t expect it, but I was kind of impressed with the book in the end. I had figured I would be thinking over and over, “oh, I know what’s next, this is so cliché and predictable” – but nope, I was wrong.

I admit, I laughed out loud at some things in the book. Giggling like a child sometimes, too. And I won’t make it a habit to read these books.

Tomorrow I’ll have some gem quotes from the book.

Category:

Weekly Wacko

Tagged with: