The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘wal-mart’

Wal-Mart Shareholders Meeting Mockumentary

Just reading that post title you already know this is a golden idea, don’t you?

Recently I read this article on LinkedIn about ‘WalmartPalooza’ – which is what the author of that post calls the Walmart shareholder’s meeting. By the author’s description, it is a spectacle. The post is short, give it a read and imagine the grand affair. Then, if your curiosity is piqued, give this a try.

That second link is Walmart’s website for the event which has links to videos of the meeting AND perhaps most importantly, a nice looking showcase of tweets from people who attended.

In case you DON’T want to read the article – the event highlights Wal-Mart’s successes over the past year (typical I think for a shareholder meeting) except this one is MC’d by a celebrity, this year it was Reese Witherspoon, and there are other celebrity acts as well (Rod Stewart and Ricky Martin). It feels like a political party’s rally, where only the positives are allowed into the building and the focus is on optimism, glitz and glamor.

Here’s why I’m interested in this event: movie potential.

If this isn’t the PERFECT setup for a movie by the gang who did Best in Show (Waiting for Guffman, A Mighty Wind) then I don’t know what would be. Just think about the characters they would play –

  • One of them is a celebrity act who cares deeply about helping the environment and social issues but … also likes the sweet pay day from Wal-Mart
  • One of them is said celebrity’s agent
  • One of them is new Wal-Mart employee who is buying into the hype
  • One of them is jaded Wal-Mart employee
  • One of them is mid-level corporate … high up enough to go along but not so high up as to not feel a little dirty

Heck. What am I doing. They know better than I. Or maybe you do. What do you think? To me, this is a gem of an opportunity.

Fashion Model

I'm pointing to all the great savings?

I’m pointing to all the great savings?

 

P.S. This is what is called, in the biz, a very lazy post. (Also, notice that beyond my arm is the blog logo!)

Wal-Mart, and My Love Life

I have a few things about me that I think are good qualities when it comes to finding/having a girlfriend. I don’t know if girls actually appreciate these things at all, but I’d like to think they do.

One of these STELLAR attributes is my window washing ability at a gas station. I’ll explain that further since you may not get that at first.

When you go to a gas station, often they’ll have those little window washers and the dirty water bucket that they sit in. Because I never wash my car, I always pick one of those little devils up to clean my front and back windows. Sure it’s a little streaky because it’s dirty water, but it’s better than it was.

Here’s what makes this special for me. I’m about six foot, three inches tall and what this means is I can reach ALL THE WAY across the windshield in one swoop. That makes the shiny, clean new windshield slightly less streaky at the end.

What girl can resist that?

Me: “Hey I’ll wash your windshield for you.”
Girl 1: “I think he likes you.”
Girl 2: “Yeah … I think so too …”
Girl 1: “Oh, you don’t like him?”
Girl 2: “Eh.”
Girl 1: “Yeah I know what you mean. He ‘jokingly’ says for his jokes it’s quantity, not quality. But the thing is, that’s not a joke. It really is quantity. He’s like a bad 80’s movie. Joke after joke. And usually very little transition.”
Girl 2: “I know! Did you hear when he said he wished he owned a pan that was in the shape of a panda? So that when someone says, ‘what’s that?’ he could say, ‘it’s a pan…duh!'”
Girl 1: “Ugh. Classic him.”
Girl 2: “Wait … did he just … did he just clean my windshield in only 5 swipes? It takes me TWICE as many!”
Girl 1: “Oh wow! He can reach all the way across! Your windshield will be sort of way cleaner!”
Girl 2: “You know … I think I do kinda like him…”

This conversation could very well happen – EXCEPT … well, two reasons.

One, I haven’t made that panda-pan joke out loud yet. I thought of it while writing this. And two, Wal-Mart!

They now have those windshield cleaners with an extra long handle! How dare they! If this catches on one of my go-to romantic charms will be lost, and that is very upsetting. Please, if you’re reading this Wal-Mart executives, consider this, and stop producing those.

Or I may have to become genuinely charming – and that sounds like a lot of work.

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