The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Quotes of the Day!

“Oh, you make me knit the brows of my very soul and cogitate.”

Sons and Lovers

Vladimir: Now? … (Joyous.) There you are again … (Indifferent.) There we are again … (Gloomy.) There I am again.

Waiting for Godot

This week at work I smashed my brain against a problem quite a bit and was not able to solve it. For a while I thought I had it solved, and I was all set. Then I told the fellas about my solution and they pointed out that it was a “kluge.” (My mom didn’t know that word – I’m not sure how common it is.)

Sons and Lovers has some great lines – and the one I have above I really love.

Anyhow – have a good weekend everybody!!

Punny Bear and Rymm Shaut

Work has been stressing me out lately – I’ve been working on this particular problem for a while and just can’t seem to get it solved. Trying very hard all day to solve a coding problem leads to very weird thoughts – like this short short story.

Punny Bear and Rymm Shaut

In 1931 the Ringling Brothers Circus was having a bad year. Everyone was having a bad year, but the Ringling Brothers did something nobody else thought to do – hire a bunch of alcoholic scientists to solve the problem.
The scientists were sent to a cabin and given three key items:
Paper.
Pens.
Booze. Lots of booze.

A year later the Ringling Brothers’ introduced Punny Bear. The world’s only talking bear.
Oh yeah, and when he does talk, it’s a pun.

An audience member would be invited from the crowd to come talk to Punny Bear. The master of ceremonies would have the audience member tell about some of their woes. The M.C. promised the bear wouldn’t attack, and would actually help.
The audience member would pore out their soul to Punny Bear. The bear would then stand up, look slowly around the crowd and say,
“I can’t bearrrrrrr it.”
The crowd ate it up. Old ladies cried, children giggled, middle-aged men smiled knowingly. This doesn’t make sense, but it happened.

After a few years the crowd got bored with the one-liner bear. They needed more. The alcoholic scientists had, on their own time, trained a monkey to do a rim shot. They reluctantly sold the monkey to the Ringling Brothers, who then claimed the monkey was Swedish and named ‘Rymm Shaut.’

A few years after that, Rymm Shaut and Punny Bear were missing.

It is believed they fell in love, got married, had plastic surgery, and now can be seen every week night as the bitter old married couple known to most as David Letterman and Paul Shaffer.

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“Where Do You Stand on the Important Issues? Like My Heaving Bosoms?”*

My senior year of college I was walking around campus one day when I noticed a little poster. They had posters, or little signs up, up all the time for everything. Sports, volunteer activity, blood bank (gross), student body, whatever.

At this time there was, apparently, a student body election going on.

I’m sure those college politicians did something – I was just blissfully unaware of it.

The election posters all had the same trend: a name, maybe a little slogan, a nice photo of the candidates’ face.

One poster caught my eye.

It was, of course, an attractive girl and … she wasn’t just showing her face. She had cropped the photo so that she could also show her, just being honest, nice chest.

I thought this was hysterical, pathetic, and possibly clever.

When I was hanging out with some friends later that night I brought up. I don’t remember exactly how the conversation goes, but here’s a guess.

“Have you guys seen the poster for that one chick [described her somewhat]?”
“Probably?”
“Did you notice she’s got a little bit of chest going on?”
“What?”
“She purposefully included a little bit of her chest because … well, you know …”

That’s when someone popped up to include a fantastic joke: “You guys, this election is not about a rack.”

A rack. Iraq. Get it?

*As far as the title goes, that’s not a real quote. I’d like to think, though, that had there been a debate at school – that she would’ve said that. Ooh, and it’d be neat if Fabbio was her campaign manager.

Yesterday Obama ended “officially”* the war in Iraq. Here’s hoping things work out well for the soldiers, their families, and that in the case of the good intentions in Iraq that the intent does equal the impact.

*I’ll offer this definition of when a war is over. If I found out a friend or family member was going to be stationed in Germany or Korea I’d say, “oh awesome! Buy an awesome couch for me!” If the same friend or family member was going to be stationed in Iraq I’d say, “I’ll pray for you and your family.” Again – let’s hope for worldwide utopia, eh folks?

To end on a lighter note,  as an Army Brat son of a West Point grad let me say –

Eat, drink, and beat Navy.