The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘100 days’

Trump Days in to the Presidency

It’s 100 days into THE President Trump’s Presidency … Let’s look at some highlights, shall we?

Day 1 – Trump gets a dog and names it Weakness. Refuses to let it in the White House, tells the nation this dog is a metaphor.

Day 5 – After days of PETA protests, Trump says he’ll personally pay for pita sandwiches for anyone who will boycott PETA’s boycott.

Day 6 – The nation learns how tasty a pita sandwich can be, while about half the nation practically oozes hatred in combination with enjoying a tasty meal.

Day 12 – Trump meets with several foreign leaders for a record breaking seven minutes, he is heard leaving the meeting saying horribly racist things which the nation … eats up? What?

Day 20 – Trump’s temporary spike in popularity drops down when he laughs at someone for being poor.

Day 33 – Trump is accused of pooping in a paper bag and dropping it at the front door of his major political opponent.

Day 50 – Trump heads out on vacation.

Day 70 – Trump’s back, and declares war on a TBD country or countries. Trump says this with the kind of confidence and swagger that practically causes sane people to drop dead.

Day 72 – Trump declares that the word Trump means the number 100. He says no dollar bill is classier than the Trump dollar bill.

Day 79 – The to be determined countries surrender, and the United States is now a “majority shareholder” in Greenland and another country that Trump refuses to share the name of.

Day 85 – Trump attempts to have a journalist who called him Trumpleton fired, and then assassinated. In the end Trump buys the newspaper and fires everyone except the cartoonist, who is instructed to “go nuts”.

Day 92 – Trump embraces the name Trumpleton, declares that it is equal to the number 10.

Day 100 – Trump days into office, or ten Trumpletons, and Trump gives a speech that is monumental in the number of search engine queries for rules on becoming expats.

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