The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘roommate’

My Zombie Roomy (11/5/13)

Part 2 (2 of 2)

The Zombie’s Gang and Their Mission or Should I Change My Home Address and Flee Now, or Later?

I had actually noticed that an area just outside apartment was really, REALLY smelly for about a week before the big show down. I had written it off to maybe a raccoon having died just outside the area, or someone had thrown trash out in a random spot rather than in the garbage … I wasn’t sure, and yet I didn’t complain to management about it. I just walked faster from my car to my apartment, and vice versa.

It turns out the stink was the not so unfamiliar stench of the undead. It turns out the Zomb is a really palatable version of that stink though, because the stink outside (from level 3 zombies) was just AWFUL.

One night I came home and was walking to my apartment when the gang of smelly jerks appeared. It felt incredibly dramatic and like a near-death experience at the time, but in hindsight it really was just a big inconvenience. There are three reasons it wasn’t that scary:

1) When something smelly moves toward you, it’s noticeable.

2) When said smelly thing is moving toward you shuffling and groaning, it is really noticeable.

3) I run for fun. I had just happened to come from the gym doing a light workout so if anything I was rearing to go. I saw the pack of zombies, recalled my experience in the woods and booked it. Though I could tell it wasn’t that same group of guys – these guys were much more unkempt … say, that’s probably a fairly easy way to tell level 3s versus 4s. I ran for a while, doing a loop around my complex, got back into my car, and slept at a buddies place that night.

I was afraid for myself and the Zombie. Little did I know what a pivotal step this was in the big “debate” and that the Zombie, at around the same time, was actually having a much worse go of it with the Zombie killer.

But all that comes next week in …

That God Awful Truck or How the Zombie Said Adios to Texas and Hola to Running Over Evil Zombies

My Zombie Roomy (11/4/13)

Part 2 (1 of 2)

The Zombie’s Gang and Their Mission or Should I Change My Home Address and Flee Now, or Later?

Remember a while back? A loooooong while back? Here, just go to this post and read from there til you get here, that’ll make things easier.

Ok, all caught up? So you know about the Zombino, his pals, how I thought his pals were going to kill me but didn’t, how I came home almost dead but the Zombie saved my life while driving a tacky truck? Good. Good, good, good.

Now for what happened between Zom the Invaders friendship party and my first encounter with a mass of level 3 zombies. (If you skipped the recap and don’t know what that means, I refer the reader to this post.)

I had started to fear that the Zombie would show up and he’d be with his zombie gang (I can only assume he’d be the leader) and I’d learn that they were ganging up to battle vampires or werewolves or some bull crap like that. Oh man, you have no idea how afraid of that I had become.

Instead it turns out the zombies were coming together because there was a bit of a debate amongst the zombie community in the Houston area. Some of them apparently had the impression that something was killing off zombies in this area. Let me rephrase that, they knew that was happening, they just were divided as to what to do about it.

Some in the zombie community had a “the more the merrier” outlook. This sounds pleasant, but trust me, it’s not. They wanted to start infecting as many humans as possible because then that would reduce the odds of those doing the infecting getting killed, and it would increase the odds of them bumping into whatever or whoever was out killing zombies.

The others, like your and my dear old pal the Zomb, wanted to continue to keep a low and “eat” (that is, kill people) sparingly, and not spread the zombie virus. Basically it was a bunch of level 4 zombies versus a bunch of level 3 zombies.

When I had run into the Zombino and his pals in the woods they were meeting to come up with a plan on what to say to convince the level 3s that they had the best plan. It worked! But only on an intellectual level.

You know how some people can meet and you have two opposing viewpoints and side A will deliver an obviously superior argument for how things should go. And then side B says, “oh yeah, your mother” (so to speak) and they go ahead and do whatever they please? That was the level 3 zombies.

You might go so far to say that the level 3 zombies hated losing to such a degree that they decided to start following the Zombino around so that they could find ways to stop him. Unfortunately this led to me.

(Tomorrow will be part 2 of part 2.)

My Zombie Roomy (10/31/13)

You’d think I was a bad roommate, or at least oblivious, based on how little I’ve written about the Zomb. I don’t really have an excuse for the lack of updates … But I promise they will be coming soon (like Monday of next week). Yes, that’s right, Monday will have part 2 of the Great Zombino and I’s Smelly Brush With Death (at least my brush with death, seeing as how he is already fully coated in it).

Today I want to brag about myself though, and what an awesome roommate I am.

There is a drive in movie theatre not too terribly far from where I live and they are showing three horror movies tonight – a Halloween special. As a special gift to my buddy, my pal, we are going there tonight. He doesn’t know it yet but it’s true.

This is a gift for the Zombie for several reasons:

1) He doesn’t have to hide his stink or what he looks like – people will just think it’s a killer costume (Halloween is his favorite holiday, after all … see here, here, or here, oh or here …)

2) He gets to be admired for his amazing costume

3) (Most importantly) We get to wreck some dates! Awesome! The Zombino loves a good joke, so I am sure he will manage to sneak up on some unsuspecting promiscuous minded teenagers out to see some horror movies (Oh I’m so scared … Here I’ll hold you …) and he is going to foul up their plans with his impressive stench.

Happy Halloween everyone!

You would be absolutely right, on both accounts. But that’s for next week.

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