The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘daily’

June 2018 Haiku

June 1 (Friday)
With Trump I have learned
Opposite meditation
Deep breath. SCREAM. Deep breath.

June 2 (Saturday)
The heart soars with love
… As son snacks me in the face
… While shouting nonsense

June 3 (Sunday)
Kid’s first trip to pool!
What fun, huh?! Please? Darling? Fun?
…He was not a fan

June 4 (Monday)
Restaurant idea
‘Everything Tastes Like Chicken’
… Only serve cat food

June 5 (Tuesday)
Invited to lunch
“I’m trying to save money”
Offered coupon … What.

June 6 (Wednesday)
It’s Wednesday, right guys?
More like … When’s this day over!
(I apologize)

June 7 (Thursday)
Kid wants to stand. NOW.
Seems to move in slow motion …
Falls at super speed

June 8 (Friday)
Old men and babies
They walk leading with their guts
And love being nude

June 9 (Saturday)
It’s dad’s time to shine
Cutting last night time feeding
No milk here, buddy

June 10 (Sunday)
Dad handled night time
Mom and kid woke up early
And got doughnuts. Score.

June 11 (Monday)
The kid was cough-y
So now dad needs some coffee!
… Lord I’m so tired

June 12 (Tuesday)
Is Jersey Mike’s good?
Yes. Do they make snails look fast?
Un…Doubt…Ed…Ly…So

June 13 (Wednesday)
You’ve just died. God’s real.
Turns out God LOVES Mountain Dew.
How freaked out are you?

June 14 (Thursday)
I do love cuddles
Even if it’s one am
Which is, frankly, nuts

June 15 (Friday)
Two bad bugs are found
In cliché coding fashion
It’s last day of tests

June 16 (Saturday)
Saw Solo today
Star Wars fans are too whiny
They’re movies. Enjoy.

June 17 (Sunday)
Happy Father’s Day
One whole parent, one tenth the
Expectations. DADS!

June 18 (Monday)
Wore new socks today
They’re polka dot, but instead
Of dots … It’s son’s face

June 19 (Tuesday)
Hi gross leftovers.
Yes you’re bland and kinda gross
But I’m cheap. So there.

June 20 (Wednesday)
It’s not a good thing
When reading the news makes you
Want to cry or scream

June 21 (Thursday)
Pres playing a game
It’s him against common sense
Everyone’s losing

June 22 (Friday)
So, convertibles …
Think first one was a mistake?
“Ohhhhhh shoot … Eh, ship it.”

June 23 (Saturday)
First haircut today
Old man hairs hung over ears
Are no more – bye friends

June 24 (Sunday)
My watch tracks my steps
And tells me trends like, ‘Sundays:
‘Did your legs fall off?’

June 25 (Monday)
Boss’s boss in town
Effort to dress to impress:
Wore my nicest shorts

June 26 (Tuesday)
If World Cup was real
What kind of cup would it be?
Probably sippy

June 27 (Wednesday)
Kiddo wakes early
The alarm clock on my phone
Has felt neglected

June 28 (Thursday)
KID SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT
A RARE AND WONDERFUL TREAT!
… It was pretty nice

June 29 (Friday)
xbox with some pals
“How’s the new – aw frick I died! –
House? All unpacked now?”

June 30 (Saturday)
To do list and I
Have an odd relationship
There’s love and loathing

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May 2018 Haiku

May 1 (Tuesday)
Hectic day today
Wife cancels most of her work
Tending to sick babe

May 2 (Wednesday)
No daycare today
Love the cuddles, hate the woes
But! Getting better!

May 3 (Thursday)
Partial daycare day
I went for early pickup
His smile warms my heart

May 4 (Friday)
Is it my birthday?
No. Did I buy myself stuff?
Duh. It’s Star Wars day.

May 5 (Saturday)
Friend is visiting
Kid takes it in, thinks to self,
‘Folks … NO SLEEP FOR YOU!’

May 6 (Sunday)
Cough’s one month birthday
I love you cough … Is that weird?
(It’s Stockholm Syndrome)

May 7 (Monday)
Went to a clinic
Come on drugs, work your magic!
RID ME OF THIS COLD!

May 8 (Tuesday)
Would I like tea more
If I didn’t just drink it
When my throat feels off?

May 9 (Wednesday)
A Hugh Grant haiku
‘Well, er, ah … Ahem’ (smiles)
‘This is rather … Ah …’

May 10 (Thursday)
Alarm clock function:
Most useless thing on my phone
Thanks dear son of mine

May 11 (Friday)
Comically bad luck
Just about done with chest cough
Then injure myself

May 12 (Saturday)
Lazy dad scramble!
Stores full of dad’s just staring
Hope gifts talk: ‘pick me!’

May 13 (Sunday)
Happy Mother’s Day!
Just relax hard-working moms!
… … … Babe? … … What do I do?

May 14 (Monday)
The kiddo babbled!!!
It was for like … two seconds
But still! I’ll count it!

May 15 (Tuesday)
Been thinking a lot
Fancy pants is way too vague
Need well-defined pants

May 16 (Wednesday)
Sudden trip up north
Wife’s grandma’s not doing well
Going to say goodbye

May 17 (Thursday)
Kiddo’s helping out
Big, innocent eyes of kid
Help to lift spirits

May 18 (Friday)
Wife’s grandma gone now
Tears, memories, and snacking
Day spent at Grandma’s

May 19 (Saturday)
Flying home today
Kid napped on me one hour
Brings me joy (and aches)

May 20 (Sunday)
Wife and kid both sick
And my mom is coming by
To see babe, catch cold

May 21 (Monday)
Kiddo doubled down
Said, ‘why one ear infection …
‘when you can have two!?!’

May 22 (Tuesday)
“The world’s worst dentist”
My son’s tiny, strong hands try
To rip off my jaw

May 23 (Wednesday)
When life gives lemons
See if you can exchange them
I mean, gross, they’re bruised

May 24 (Thursday)
Holy crawl-moly!
Kiddo is really moving!
… We need to vacuum

May 25 (Friday)
Work has been all tests
Click here, try that, click there … Borrrrred.
I’m so sick of tests

May 26 (Saturday)
Long weekend: day 1
Long to do list and big dreams
… Accomplish little

May 27 (Sunday)
Long weekend: day 2
Here are all the things to do
Some other weekend

May 28 (Monday)
Lost in the charcoal
Is today’s somber purpose.
Humble thanks offered.

May 29 (Tuesday)
Daily ritual:
Kiddo does something; heart melts;
Re-forms with more love

May 30 (Wednesday)
Daycare drop off fun
It’s a short drive there, and yet …
Kid poops half the time

May 31 (Thursday)
Intern campus tour
Time to establish my creep vibe:
‘Hi youths, be my friend’

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