The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Du Jour of the Week’

8% Fluent

According to Duolingo, as of tonight, I am 8% fluent in German. I don’t know who I could communicate with my 8% fluency but I think it would have to be someone who has been hit by a truck several times.

I could maybe keep up with a 16 month old. Would you consider yourself 8% fluent in the English language at the ripe age of 1 and 1/4 years old?

Ich bin eine banane. Did you know that means I am a banana? I can tell people these kinds of things with my 8%.

“Hallo.”

“Hallo!”

“Du ist eine kartoffel?”

“Nein, bitte! Ich bin ein mann!”

Here we see one of any number of classic German conversations I might have. Someone greets me, I greet them in return, they ask if I am a potato, and in turn I inform them that I am actually a man.

What if I need to find a bathroom in Germany? No clue. But I can point to a glass of hot chocolate and say, “HeibBe schokolade, bitta! Mmmm, es ist lecker!” (This is tasty!)

Also that B should be … well, a different B. It’s called Eszett. Did duolingo teach me that? Of course not, I know “8%.”

I wish I could be confused as this guy, you need 80%+ understanding before idioms can even make sense enough to baffle you.

The Sink

Monday Morning

Don’t worry about it, buddy, I’m empty, you’re in a rush, just leave your cereal bowl and spoon in here.

Monday Evening

Oh man, long day huh? Back into the swing of things. Just put that pot and plate and stuff in here, we’ll take care of this tomorrow. It’ll be real quick.

Tuesday Morning

Leave for work now! QUICK! Or you’ll be stuck behind the school bus!!

Tuesday Evening

Uh … I’m pretty sure that episode of The Office you’ve seen 7 times isn’t going to get watched an 8th time by itself.

Wednesday Morning

Ok. Tonight. All right? I’m starting to get pretty full here.

Wednesday Evening

Hey rookie, you see that I have a whole second half that’s empty right? There are two of me. Come on. Step up your game.

Thursday Morning

Cereal again, huh? Cool man! See you tonight!

Thursday Evening

How was going out to happy hour? Oh soup for dinner? Cool! Don’t worry about it, cleaning a bowl is so easy it practically doesn’t even count as adding to the pile of dishes.

Friday Morning

Week-end! Week-end! Week-end! Seriously, you should clean these dishes tonight so you don’t stare at the sink all weekend thinking about how you need to get that done like it’s some big chore but in reality it takes a few minutes.

Friday Evening

DUDE! It’s Friday! You should be partying! And by partying I mean playing video games and eating pizza on your couch!

Saturday Morning

How’d your jog go? Pretty good? You look tired, you should go nap.

Somehow Skip to Sunday Evening

Ok buddy. Seriously. Let’s get this done. Put on Sunday Night Football, get these dishes knocked out.

This week. This is the week. You’ll think about how nice and clean the place looks when the sink is empty, and you’ll never once leave a dirty dish in here. Everything will be taken care of, so it’ll never seem like a chore. You got this!

Monday Morning

Don’t worry about it man, it’s just a bowl and a spoon!

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Camping at RMNP

Recently the Mrs. and I went camping at Rocky Mountain National Park. This was our second weekend in a row of camping and it turned out to be the last of the year for us. The weekend prior we had been COLD through the night – it turns out the temperature is inclined to not mess around in the mountains at night. We figured the solution would be to wear sweats to bed, maybe throw a blanket or three in our sleeping bags with us, and we’d be square.

rmnp1Looking at the weather, which was expected to get to the 30s, we figured renting winter sleeping bags might be a better idea. This turned out to be smart.

Arriving at the campsite, we got a pep talk from a ranger or two about bears. This is bear country and all that. Except, this warning was a little more fun. Two nights prior a black bear had come around and a woman had left her car unlocked, so the bear opened the car door (I knew bears could smash into cars, I didn’t know they knew to try door handles) and ate the food in the car. Excited by the snack, the bear decided to look for more and swiped curiously at the woman’s tent. Yes, imagine that. Sleeping, you hear a noise, wake up and it is a BEAR who has just ripped your tent open. The woman screamed and the bear scampered off. rmnp7

We were strongly encouraged to use the bear box (a metallic box with a handle that would be tough for a bear’s big mitt to fit into). You store anything smelly in the bear box – food, toiletries, yourself. Just kidding about that last part.

The lady of the campsite was none too thrilled about the prospect of a bear coming knocking at the door, but we got settled nevertheless. Pretty quickly it was cold, the dog was shivering despite her dorky sweater, and we were huddled around the fire. We hopped in bed and got a fairly restful night of sleep, but each of us did take turns waking up and imagining every sound was that of a bear.

The next morning a bit of frost covered the tent and the cars of all the campers in the area. The rented sleeping bags were worlds better than our normal ones, so we did not freeze (I felt pretty comfy actually – except for my exposed face).

I headed out to check out a lake nearby, Sprague Lake. I ended up on the wrong trail and ran across fresh animal droppings and though I knew they weren’t from a bear it was enough to awaken bear fears so I headed back. On my way back I ran across two ladies headed to Sprague Lake who encouraged me to hike out there too. Boy was it worth it. The Mrs. and I drove over to the lake before heading home but the water was no longer still, the mirrored mountains had disappeared.

Another successful camping trip in the books, and now we hibernate for winter.

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