The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘camping’

Dad Jokes – Camping Style

The tent is set up. Your family is nestled in for the night. Somewhere nearby an owl says, ‘who-who! … who-who!’
You say, ‘it’s me. Dave.’
Your family groans.
The owl pipes up again, ‘who-who! … who-who…who!’
You sigh with frustration, ‘I just … told you. Owl.’

Your family is hiking, dawn is right around the corner and you spy a field full of deer. Gathered there in the pre-dawn light they are a majestic sight. Their rituals have existed long before you, and they will continue when you’re dead.
You say, quietly, to your spouse, ‘hey deer?’
She shakes her head. She knows where this is going.

Someone in your family has accidentally forgotten to put some food item in the bear box. A bear has wandered into your campsite and, after consuming the scrap you left out, has wandered into a neighboring campsite and mauled a camper. Seeing the mangled corpse and a trail of blood you cover your children’s eyes and whisper, ‘unbearable.’

Your children have insisted that they each want their own tent, and for some reason you decided to comply instead of forcing them to be uncomfortable in an effort to build their character. And yet, despite having their own tents your children still begin to bicker with each other. You shake your head and say to them lovingly, ‘you kids are in tents.’

Your spouse has divorced you because the awful jokes were slowly driving a wedge into your relationship. Wracked with grief and rage you buy all of the junk food you can fit in a shopping cart, and then drive into the woods. It’s 7:42 am and you are halfway through your chocolate mousse when an actual moose appears in front of you. You stare off in the distance, wishing you hadn’t wrecked your marriage before you begin mumbling endlessly to yourself, ‘mousse, moose … mousse, moose …’

two people lying inside tent

Photo by Teemu R on Pexels.com

It’s a Trap!

You remember Star Wars? You’ve probably heard of it at some point.

Anyway there was this one Star Wars movie where this guy, we’ll call him Admiral Ackbar, is taking part in an

photo of blue and yellow lighted dome tent surrounded by plants during night time

You’d think I’d be ashamed by this kind of post by now but … nope.

attack on the Empire. It’s a big deal attack, right? Like, tons of rebel guys all gathered up together and said ‘let’s do this’ and so it’s not just some little skirmish.

Anyway Ackbar is on this ship and he has a famous line where he’s in a swivel chair and he swivels around and you see his big, crazy eyes and he yells out ‘It’s a TRAP!’

Big scene. BIG. Scene.

Return of the Jedi was released in 1983, and some companies had managed to get tipped off to some of the plot points in the movie. They were approaching George Lucas left and right, trying to get commercial tie-ins to get in on the burgeoning Star Wars cash cow.

One of the companies that did manage to get through was an outdoor equipment company. They were supposedly THE favorite flannel shirt maker that George Lucas liked. George, loving the idea of some custom flannel shirts from them, created a series of commercials. They did not end up making it to air because the cost was too high … But I can tell you the contents of one of them.

A family is out in the woods, they’ve got two tents set up, a well-built fireplace, a couple of chairs set up, and everyone looks so cozy and happy. Just then, a few rain drops fall. The kids begin to whine about getting wet, the mom worries aloud about cooking dinner without a fire, and the dad looks to the camera and thinks outloud, ‘is there anything we could use to help make the rain less damaging to our camping trip?’

Suddenly Ackbar HIMSELF appears! He descends into the campground on a floating swivel chair and shouts out, ‘It’s a TARP!’

Attn: Ellen (3/14/18)

Front

Ellen342a

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

Ellen342b

 

The text of the postcard is

Dear Ellen,

My how daydreams change. When I was in middle school I read RoboTech and fantasy books and pictured myself in their worlds.

Now I see beautiful national parks and think of packing up the car and going camping with my family.

Both are escapes, but my how daydreams change.

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com OR
@DumbFunnery

Why am I doing this?

 

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