The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Du Jour of the Week’

One Carry-On Per Passenger

I can imagine a future where humans and wolves live side-by-side. Not unlike in cartoons or the foxes in Fantastic Mr. Fox, the wolves would dress appropriate to their occupation or current activity.

The wolves would have broken with their old habits and would not kill humans if threatened or hunt in the woods for survival (they might, like some humans, happen to enjoy hunting).

At schools, churches, bad local theatre productions, you would see human and wolf, side-by-side, co-workers, chums, friendly rivals, aggrieved neighbors, each just doing their thing.

But there is one thing the wolves could never leave behind despite their evolutionary leap. Any time you fly, and I mean ANY TIME, you’ll be standing there (you as a human) and there will be a wolf next to you in line, both of you waiting to get boarding passes. And suddenly you think you’ll hear the little yip of a toddler wolf and the wolf next to you in line will kick its pack gently and then look at you with an embarrassed smile and say, “I’ve got some bags of chips in there … Rustling around and such.” Sure, wolf, you’ll think to yourself, sure.

Later when you get to security you’ll keep your eyes peeled for your wolf pal to see if anything interesting happens. And there it is, the wolf, talking with a security person, the security person unzipping the wolves bag and sure enough, two young wolves are inside looking around, happy to no longer be in an enclosed space.

And the wolf, pleading with the security office can be heard to say, “but I can’t go anywhere without my wolf pack!”

My Drug Manufacturing Company and Me

If I ran a drug manufacturing company I would name one Keira, and the commercials would focus on the frequency with which you take the medication.

Also the commercial would have a knight running through a field.

(P.S. You take the drug nightly.)

I’m not saying she personally endorsed this post, but she didn’t NOT personally endorse it.

Insensitive Insurance Package Names

Stop, Drop and Roll With It – Premium Fire Insurance that almost makes you want to be an arsonist!

(They’re) Better Off Dead – Life Insurance so good you’d think you’d have to kill to have it

Prescription Pain Thrillers – Medical Insurance so good you’ll be numb to the absurdly high cost

Swimmin’ In It – Flood Insurance so good you’ll start dancing to rain sticks

Auto-Mobile Socioeconomic Status – Somebody’s reaching with this name … But it’s the same joke, you know, auto insurance that’ll pay you back so much money you can jump your economic status by one level … Oof, I know