The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Du Jour of the Week’

Hit Show Premises

I

A young man who is a compulsive gambler visits Yemen and, easy tiger!, knocks up four women in three days!? Then, tragically, the four young mothers die during childbirth. It’s “All In” the story of a young father trying to raise four kids … while raising the bet.

II

A young man made entirely of yeast visits Russia and, woah there!, knocks up three women in two days!? Then, tragically, the three young mothers die during childbirth. It’s “Go Yeast, Young Man!” the story of a young father trying to raise three children … while raising himself.

III

A young man who is actually a goat visits Greece and, hey now!, knocks up five women in one day!? Then, tragically, the five young mothers die during childbirth. It’s “Grazing Kids Ain’t Easy” the story of a young father trying to raise five kids while grazing, himself.

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Say Brad, Whatcha Got There? (Part 2)

This? It’s just my hand. Oh, wait, you’re pointing to that? That thing I’m holding in my hand?

Well, it’s just my lucky jar of mud.

You see, some people who like to travel are also worst case scenario thinkers, like me, for example. And, as worst case scenario thinkers, we just can’t help but imagine some classic traveler scenario such as eating a little bit of food that one is not used to, perhaps a drop of water that a body just doesn’t know what to do with, and then whala, while seeing the Taj Mahal the body up and announces itself in the most unpleasant of ways.

Yes sir, that’s why I’ve got my lucky jar of mud!

You see, I just throw this on my pants and soon everyone around me is saying, “oh, is that a jar of mud you threw on the backside of your nice pants? Cool! I wish I had one too!”

Some travelers may opt for an adult diaper or not being fearful of cosmic diarrhea, but other travelers, ones savvy like myself, well, we opt for a lucky jar of mud!

Isn’t the internet amazing? I searched ‘jar of mud’ and there really is a picture of a fairly gross looking jar of, what we hope is, mud.

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Du Jour of the Week

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Say Brad, Whatcha Got There? (Part 1)

This? It’s just my hand. Oh, wait, you’re pointing to that? That shiny thing? Well, that’s my wedding band!

No, not a musical band that is so tiny you can’t see them with your naked eye. It’s the ring. Why did I call it a band if it’s not music? I don’t know …

But come on, you’re missing the point. It’s my wedding ring band.

What’s a ring band? Umm … Sounds like a band that plays while standing in the shape of a circle at all their concerts? Why do you ask about – Oh.

Ok. Let’s try again. This? It’s my wedding ring!

Yeah, that’s right, I’m married! A married man! I say things like wife and husband and other married people things!

Yes indeed, I guess you could say I have a deeper appreciation for humanity now. I understand things better. I can empathize while planning for a sound foundation for the future. Yessirree, all this because of this magical ring!

Oh it doesn’t suddenly make me more intelligent? More compassionate? More communicative? Well, I beg to differ … Exhibit A, Why did my car insurance payment suddenly drop so dramatically? Hmmm?

That’s right, folks, this ring has changed me overnight! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go make tired jokes with my co-workers about gender-stereotype roles in a marriage.

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