The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘explanation’

For the Mamas and the Papas

One interview question that I read about, but was never asked, went something along the lines of, “explain the internet as you would to your grandmother.”

The idea of this is to provide an opportunity for the candidate to show off (or fluster and flop-sweatingly stumble around) their ability to explain technical concepts in a simple manner. This is a great skill to have.

Of course, had I been asked this question I would have said, “uh, my grandma is best friends with Vint Cerf, so suck eggs you ageist scum.” (Vinton Gray Cerf co-designed the TCP/IP protocol which is to the internet what the foundation of a house is … to a house.)

This all brings me to today’s topic – The Cloud. Like all great buzzwords, it is catchy without revealing anything substantial or informational.

(Also a note. For technically-savvy readers, if I state anything incorrectly or make poor assumptions or have anything worth debate or investigation – please let me know. The point of this is to provide something useful and accurate, unlike the vast majority of my posts.)


What is the Cloud?

Your computer has memory that can hold X amount of data – pictures, programs, movies, whatever. Your phone is the same way. Really, any number of devices are the same way.

The cloud provides you more space to store things. If you can store ten things, but you have access to the cloud (you would need the internet to have access … so if you’re on a plane you likely won’t have access to the cloud), then you can store your ten things locally on your phone/computer/whatever and some extra amount of things in the cloud.

Let’s look at Mary Poppins, who had a purse with access to the cloud.

There’s no way a hat rack can fit in that purse. Therefore, we must assume the purse is connected to some extra storage area like a shed. With her access to that extra storage, she isn’t limited to how much her purse can contain, she can carry things in her purse, and use that purse to access to the additional storage in her shed.

Now to ask the eye doctor question – is that better, or worse? Did I just confuse you more?

Basically, “the cloud” is just more space to put stuff. If you’ve got the right tool (Mary Poppin’s purse, or the internet) you can access that extra stuff.

Kanye West’s “Bound 2” Explained

Kanye West’s latest big thing is his music video for the song “Bound 2.” In the video Kanye rides on a motorcycle with his wife, Kim Kardashian. It is an amazing music video because holy smokes what world do these people live in.

I recommend watching the video, and then not watching it and just listening. Each go around will be as funny as the last, but it can be a lot to take, so prepare your MIND.

(Also this parody is kind of funny.)

Kanye, a clever man, has a lot of intelligent lyrics in the song, so I thought I’d help out by trying to break down the song into something any mere mortal could understand. My apologies to Kanye if I don’t get all of it correct – not everyone can be you, buddy.

Bound to fall in love
Bound to fall in love
(Uh-huh, honey)

The hook is implying that Kim Kardashian, the motorcycle decoration, is bound to fall in love with Kanye West. One might be inclined to think Kanye is suggesting that anyone is bound to fall in love with him, but that seems a little past his ego.

This may be a good time to mention that this song is from the album Yeezus. (Note: Kanye West sometimes refers to himself as Yeezy.)

[Bridge: Kanye West]
All them other (bleep n word bleep) lame, and you know it now
When a real (bleepity n word bleep) hold you down, you supposed to drown

In the first line, Kanye is again exerting his dominance by suggesting that every (I guess) black person besides him is lame. (Note: I edited one word.)

In the second line … Is that a physical threat? Geez. I don’t really know what’s happening here.

Third line … also threatening. Not a good start, Yeezy.


[Verse 1: Kanye West]
What you doing in the club on a Thursday?
She say she only here for her girl birthday

Someone, referred to as you, is at a club on a Thursday. This confuses Kanye, maybe he had a history with this person and the person said something like, “I never go to clubs on Thursdays.” At this point it is left up to the listener to determine the backstory.

The off-nominal behavior is then explained: this person (a female) is here for a friend’s birthday. Sounds like a nice lady.

They ordered champagne but still look thirsty
Rock Forever 21 but just turned thirty

The group is having champagne, which is pretty fun, but the waiter hasn’t brought them water. Thirst is nothing to mess with.

The whole group celebrating the birthday is wearing Forever 21 clothing, which is embarrassing in and of itself (hello, ladies, there are other stores in the mall). The next embarrassing thing, which is classic clever Kanye, is that the women are actually not 21. Can you imagine their shame when their secret is realized?

I know I got a bad reputation
Walking-’round-always-mad reputation
Leave-a-pretty-girl-sad reputation
Start a Fight Club, Brad reputation
I turnt the nightclub out of the basement

Kanye is owning up to a bad reputation, which allows us a chance to finally forgive him. What else can this guy do? He’s only human, we should stop judging him.

As part of his bad reputation, he is known for making pretty girls sad. He leaves it up to us to determine how this happens, but it’s fairly obvious he does this by making snarky fashion comments to the pretty girls. (Note to self: Have Kanye West and Joan Rivers ever been seen together? Is Kanye secretly Joan?? Investigate!!)

I’ll turn the plane ’round, your ass keep complaining
How you gon’ be mad on vacation?
Dutty wining ’round all these Jamaicans
Uh, this that prom shit
This that what-we-do-don’t-tell-your-mom shit
This that red-cup-all-on-the-lawn shit
Got a fresh cut, straight out the salon, bitch

What? Kanye is all over the place here. Each individual line makes sense … but taken as a whole, what is happening? Taking a vacation on a private plane to Jamaica is like prom? Suddenly your relationship is a secret from somebody’s mother? There’s a definite high school theme going on with this set of lines, I just don’t know why. But hey, let’s roll with it.

Also, he approves of the lady’s hair, but doesn’t respect the lady.

[Bridge: Charlie Wilson]
I know you’re tired of loving, of loving
With nobody to love, nobody, nobody (Uh-huh, honey)

Apparently the girl has a lot of love to give, but no one worth giving it to. Talk about your all time tough cookies situation.

[Bridge: Kanye West]
Close your eyes and let the word paint a thousand pictures
One good girl is worth a thousand bitches

Kanye here shows his respect for one woman, by disrespecting a lot of other women. A classically underrated way to compliment someone.


[Verse 2: Kanye West]
I wanna f*** you hard on the sink
After that, give you something to drink
Step back, can’t get spunk on the mink
I mean damn, what would Jeromey Romey Romey Rome think?
Hey, you remember where we first met?
Okay, I don’t remember where we first met
But hey, admitting is the first step
And hey, you know ain’t nobody perfect
And I know, with the hoes I got the worst rep
But hey, their backstroke I’m tryna perfect
And hey, ayo, we made it: Thanksgiving
So hey, maybe we can make it to Christmas
She asked me what I wished for on my wishlist
Have you ever asked your bitch for other bitches?
Maybe we could still make it to the church steps
But first, you gon’ remember how to forget
After all these long-ass verses
I’m tired, you tired, Jesus wept

Those really are the real lyrics. Holy cow. Read it, just read it and know that  grown man who loves himself said this. (And, bonus, said this stuff while pretending to ride a motorcycle with a naked lady.)

[Bridge: Charlie Wilson]
I know you’re tired of loving, of loving
With nobody to love, nobody, nobody
Just grab somebody, no leaving this party
With nobody to love, nobody, nobody (Uh-huh, honey)

[Bridge: Kanye West]
Jerome’s in the house, watch your mouth
Jerome’s in the house, watch your mouth


Sorry for the long post, I really hadn’t expected this song to have so many words … But hey, the man is an artist and you have to give him his proper due.

Until your next masterpiece, Kanye, I await it with baited breath!

My Zombie Roomy (2/25/11)

The Zombie and Me – Around the House

The Neighbors Hate Me

One of the Zombie’s Less Charming Habits


The Magic, Explained

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