The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Kim Kardashian’

Kanye West’s “Bound 2” Explained

Kanye West’s latest big thing is his music video for the song “Bound 2.” In the video Kanye rides on a motorcycle with his wife, Kim Kardashian. It is an amazing music video because holy smokes what world do these people live in.

I recommend watching the video, and then not watching it and just listening. Each go around will be as funny as the last, but it can be a lot to take, so prepare your MIND.

(Also this parody is kind of funny.)

Kanye, a clever man, has a lot of intelligent lyrics in the song, so I thought I’d help out by trying to break down the song into something any mere mortal could understand. My apologies to Kanye if I don’t get all of it correct – not everyone can be you, buddy.

Bound to fall in love
Bound to fall in love
(Uh-huh, honey)

The hook is implying that Kim Kardashian, the motorcycle decoration, is bound to fall in love with Kanye West. One might be inclined to think Kanye is suggesting that anyone is bound to fall in love with him, but that seems a little past his ego.

This may be a good time to mention that this song is from the album Yeezus. (Note: Kanye West sometimes refers to himself as Yeezy.)

[Bridge: Kanye West]
All them other (bleep n word bleep) lame, and you know it now
When a real (bleepity n word bleep) hold you down, you supposed to drown

In the first line, Kanye is again exerting his dominance by suggesting that every (I guess) black person besides him is lame. (Note: I edited one word.)

In the second line … Is that a physical threat? Geez. I don’t really know what’s happening here.

Third line … also threatening. Not a good start, Yeezy.


[Verse 1: Kanye West]
What you doing in the club on a Thursday?
She say she only here for her girl birthday

Someone, referred to as you, is at a club on a Thursday. This confuses Kanye, maybe he had a history with this person and the person said something like, “I never go to clubs on Thursdays.” At this point it is left up to the listener to determine the backstory.

The off-nominal behavior is then explained: this person (a female) is here for a friend’s birthday. Sounds like a nice lady.

They ordered champagne but still look thirsty
Rock Forever 21 but just turned thirty

The group is having champagne, which is pretty fun, but the waiter hasn’t brought them water. Thirst is nothing to mess with.

The whole group celebrating the birthday is wearing Forever 21 clothing, which is embarrassing in and of itself (hello, ladies, there are other stores in the mall). The next embarrassing thing, which is classic clever Kanye, is that the women are actually not 21. Can you imagine their shame when their secret is realized?

I know I got a bad reputation
Walking-’round-always-mad reputation
Leave-a-pretty-girl-sad reputation
Start a Fight Club, Brad reputation
I turnt the nightclub out of the basement

Kanye is owning up to a bad reputation, which allows us a chance to finally forgive him. What else can this guy do? He’s only human, we should stop judging him.

As part of his bad reputation, he is known for making pretty girls sad. He leaves it up to us to determine how this happens, but it’s fairly obvious he does this by making snarky fashion comments to the pretty girls. (Note to self: Have Kanye West and Joan Rivers ever been seen together? Is Kanye secretly Joan?? Investigate!!)

I’ll turn the plane ’round, your ass keep complaining
How you gon’ be mad on vacation?
Dutty wining ’round all these Jamaicans
Uh, this that prom shit
This that what-we-do-don’t-tell-your-mom shit
This that red-cup-all-on-the-lawn shit
Got a fresh cut, straight out the salon, bitch

What? Kanye is all over the place here. Each individual line makes sense … but taken as a whole, what is happening? Taking a vacation on a private plane to Jamaica is like prom? Suddenly your relationship is a secret from somebody’s mother? There’s a definite high school theme going on with this set of lines, I just don’t know why. But hey, let’s roll with it.

Also, he approves of the lady’s hair, but doesn’t respect the lady.

[Bridge: Charlie Wilson]
I know you’re tired of loving, of loving
With nobody to love, nobody, nobody (Uh-huh, honey)

Apparently the girl has a lot of love to give, but no one worth giving it to. Talk about your all time tough cookies situation.

[Bridge: Kanye West]
Close your eyes and let the word paint a thousand pictures
One good girl is worth a thousand bitches

Kanye here shows his respect for one woman, by disrespecting a lot of other women. A classically underrated way to compliment someone.


[Verse 2: Kanye West]
I wanna f*** you hard on the sink
After that, give you something to drink
Step back, can’t get spunk on the mink
I mean damn, what would Jeromey Romey Romey Rome think?
Hey, you remember where we first met?
Okay, I don’t remember where we first met
But hey, admitting is the first step
And hey, you know ain’t nobody perfect
And I know, with the hoes I got the worst rep
But hey, their backstroke I’m tryna perfect
And hey, ayo, we made it: Thanksgiving
So hey, maybe we can make it to Christmas
She asked me what I wished for on my wishlist
Have you ever asked your bitch for other bitches?
Maybe we could still make it to the church steps
But first, you gon’ remember how to forget
After all these long-ass verses
I’m tired, you tired, Jesus wept

Those really are the real lyrics. Holy cow. Read it, just read it and know that  grown man who loves himself said this. (And, bonus, said this stuff while pretending to ride a motorcycle with a naked lady.)

[Bridge: Charlie Wilson]
I know you’re tired of loving, of loving
With nobody to love, nobody, nobody
Just grab somebody, no leaving this party
With nobody to love, nobody, nobody (Uh-huh, honey)

[Bridge: Kanye West]
Jerome’s in the house, watch your mouth
Jerome’s in the house, watch your mouth


Sorry for the long post, I really hadn’t expected this song to have so many words … But hey, the man is an artist and you have to give him his proper due.

Until your next masterpiece, Kanye, I await it with baited breath!

Faking Football Knowledge

For some people, football may already be over … It could be that they only care about college football, or they are die-hard fans of one particular NFL team and can’t be bothered to talk about football now that their team has been knocked out of the playoffs.

For a lot of people, though, football is just beginning. Now is the time that it’s a more common work topic. Suddenly Fridays at work are “show your passion for your favorite team!” You hear people on Mondays talking about the games that happened. Tuesdays it’s died down, except for an occasional comment. Thursday and Friday it’s back in the hallway chatter.

All fine and dandy if you’re into football, idle chatter and/or reduced productivity.

But what if you don’t know squat about the games?

Here are three generic comments that will get someone blabbering away mindlessly about the game, leaving them to think you know what you’re talking about, and at your whim you can cut off the person with a quick, “oh shoot – I have to run. Meeting time!”

  • Call me crazy, but I just don’t think Kim Kardashian is worthy of all the attention she gets.

The person will probably respond by talking about Kaepernick’s running ability (and tough to spell name). Just remember, you are in control, fake meetings can be very urgent.

  • Ugh, that call in the fourth quarter made me question whether Anquan Boldin really does have a nice tushy or not. Don’t say anything, I’m inconsolable.

Of course the person will return your comment by talking about the missed defensive play that allowed the Ravens to score on such a last minute bomb of a throw – but stick to your guns, Q’s tushy – hot or not? NOT!

  • I still don’t see Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen – Katniss wouldn’t be built like her.

Then the predictable response, would the Seahawks even be here if RGIII’s knee was 100%? Talk about cliche.

Stick with these three simple, generic football commentary items and you’ll BS with the best in the office!

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