The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘odd’

Punny Bear and Rymm Shaut

Work has been stressing me out lately – I’ve been working on this particular problem for a while and just can’t seem to get it solved. Trying very hard all day to solve a coding problem leads to very weird thoughts – like this short short story.

Punny Bear and Rymm Shaut

In 1931 the Ringling Brothers Circus was having a bad year. Everyone was having a bad year, but the Ringling Brothers did something nobody else thought to do – hire a bunch of alcoholic scientists to solve the problem.
The scientists were sent to a cabin and given three key items:
Paper.
Pens.
Booze. Lots of booze.

A year later the Ringling Brothers’ introduced Punny Bear. The world’s only talking bear.
Oh yeah, and when he does talk, it’s a pun.

An audience member would be invited from the crowd to come talk to Punny Bear. The master of ceremonies would have the audience member tell about some of their woes. The M.C. promised the bear wouldn’t attack, and would actually help.
The audience member would pore out their soul to Punny Bear. The bear would then stand up, look slowly around the crowd and say,
“I can’t bearrrrrrr it.”
The crowd ate it up. Old ladies cried, children giggled, middle-aged men smiled knowingly. This doesn’t make sense, but it happened.

After a few years the crowd got bored with the one-liner bear. They needed more. The alcoholic scientists had, on their own time, trained a monkey to do a rim shot. They reluctantly sold the monkey to the Ringling Brothers, who then claimed the monkey was Swedish and named ‘Rymm Shaut.’

A few years after that, Rymm Shaut and Punny Bear were missing.

It is believed they fell in love, got married, had plastic surgery, and now can be seen every week night as the bitter old married couple known to most as David Letterman and Paul Shaffer.

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

Footnotes are Fun

You’d think, based on crap like this, that I was on drugs. Really it’s just ricola, a head-cold, and stress. That’s all I need to get me going!

Footnotes are Fun

It was a cool night in Northern California. Before I knew it I had my old running shoes on, and I was out the door for a walk. I needed some time to take a mental doze, and there’s no better way to do that, for me, than a little walk*.

*Unless I step on a bug**.

**I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’ve stepped on bugs before, and I will again … it’s just I usually only like stepping on bugs if I mean to step on bugs***.

***Unless I accidentally stepped on some super-insane-crazy poisonous bug. You know. One that’s all like, “rahhhh! I’m poisonous and I hate happiness!” You know the type. Killing people and such****.

****Ok, well, this would be rare – but what if that insanely poisonous (and misunderstood?) bug killed a human killer. I would think a human killer would be much less missed***** than a killer bug.

*****Sure, yes, I’m being silly. But stick with me. What if that human killer killed a bunch of people, and then went to jail and repented and thought of something that would change the world******! Huh? What about that? You judgmental a-hole. Geez.

******Assuming, of course, that it was something that changed the world for the better. Not like changing the world to make it more like how a killer wants the world to be. Yikes! Wouldn’t that be scary?! Ahhh! “Killers everywhere!” That’s what I imagine myself saying in a world like that. Yes sir. In this case I would not want the bug to die*******.

*******Ok at this point we’re going to combine footnotes (5) and (6). Or, not really. But imagine this: The bug doesn’t kill the killer, but they get in cahoots with each other. And they go on some sort of “ahhh there’s a scary bug! Oh SNAP, there’s a much scarier human!” killing spree********.

********THEN! What if the bug and the killer change the world … but into the killer bug’s version of the world! I don’t know what that would be like but I imagine it would be confusing, slimy, and disheartening. At the very LEAST! I mean, come on!, SCARY!

I stepped on a bug. Squish! Sounded kind of cute. I miss California.

The End