The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘regret’

A New Regret

Recently I have realized a regret that I didn’t know until … recently. I wish I had done a radio show in college.

At my college they were easy to get and there’s absolutely no pressure because no one is listening to you!

But wait, you think, if no one is paying attention what’s the point? What would you do? Who would you interview?

The point is I would do whatever I want! I would interview myself pretending to be other people (giving me a chance to do silly voices and impressions). I’ve got news people, we all have that one friend who likes to do accents or impressions – those people are only TOO ready to do accents or impressions. No one is more dazzled by their accents/impressions than themselves.

Would I care that no one is listening to me (as myself) asking questions of myself (as a meat head or stereotypical sorority girl or gay German man named Gunter)? No! I wouldn’t care at all! Because my target audience (me) would be listening!

Of course I would love it if people tuned in because maybe, just maybe, someone would say something to acknowledge something I feel is a genuine skill and comedic talent … But the shameful part is if I get sad enough, I will just make up a new voice of some over the top enthusiastic supporter and then interview him and maybe for good measure throw in an “angry caller number 7” voice and then I would moderate the conversation as myself and radio drama would ensue.

Oh college radio show, what fun we would’ve had. My self-created, 7 views one with one dislike best of radio show highlights youtube video would’ve been a regular watch as my days went by.

P.S. I have been watching a lot of Futurama so maybe I am jealous of being a voice actor.

P.P.S. That whole doing this for my own amusement also explains a LOT of this blog.

California Regrets

I am, for the first time, an uncle to a teenager. And I regret to inform you all that I didn’t take advantage of this.

Why didn’t I ask annoying, lame, creepy uncle questions? Why didn’t I try to high five her randomly and then pause to say, “wait, is high fiving still popular? Do kids still do that?I saw kids bumping fists on TV, does that have anything to do with sexting?”

The key to being a creepy, lame, weird uncle is knowing just enough to really get things wrong. You need to know at least enough pop culture to be able to reference things incorrectly.

“Hey I like your hat! Talk about Gangnam Style!”

How could that not have caused a look of pain? WHY didn’t I seize this opportunity!?

It also helps to know some of the latest music, so that you can incorrectly identify whatever is on the radio at some public place like a mall or theme park.

“Woah, I like this Kesha tune! She really knows Trouble am I right? Say did you see the YouTube video with her and the goat? That was funny. Hardly a Teenage Dream if you ask me!”

I urge you, uncles and aunts and parents of the world, be lame. It’s funny.

If you can't tell, I switched her face with a Lego head. Her look conveyed a bit more disgust/amusement ... But I couldn't find a Lego head that conveyed that.

If you can’t tell, I switched her face with a Lego head. Her look conveyed a bit more disgust/amusement … But I couldn’t find a Lego head that conveyed that.