The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘spy’

If I Was a Spy

Interrogator: We can do this the hard way … or the easy way.

Me: I’d like to hear a bit more about both options, please.

Interrogator: Well the easy way involves a nice, tall glass of milk and a doughnut and the hard way (Laughs darkly) … Well, it doesn’t.

Me: What type of doughnut?

Interrogator: … Listen. You’re paying attention to the wrong details.

Me: I said. What. Type. Of. Doughnut.


Me: Well maybe head to the backroom and ask what type of doughnut, eh chief?

Interrogator: No. We will torture you, or you will tell us what we want to know.

Me: Are you saying the milk and doughnut were a ruse?

Interrogator: Oh my God. Can someone else step in here? It’s like dealing with my child.

Me: Are you saying your child is out there somewhere, right now, eating a doughnut?

Interrogator 2: Ok Phil, let me take over.

Me: A guy named PHIL was going to torture me? That’s embarrassing for everybody.

Interrogator 2: I just ate a delicious doughnut, and now … I’m going to torture you.

Me: That had absolutely zero tension-building. Just awful … What type of dougnut?

Interrogator 2: Jelly filled.

Me: Oh gross. You want to torture me? Make me eat one of those. Blech.

Interrogator 2: You don’t like jelly filled? Are you crazy? Those are the best.

Me: Dude. No. Maple long john, not filled.

Interrogator 2: Oh sick. You’re a sick, sick man. I can’t torture this man … he’s already broken.


Epilogue: I escape, and go eat a doughnut.





What Will Michael Phelps Do Now?

Olympics stud Michael Phelps will be hanging up his swimming cap and goggles … but what will he do now?

Don’t worry – I’ve got some ideas, Phelpsy old pal.

High five anyone? Please?

Intimidating guard with gun and official looking hat: What are you doing in this classified area?!
Michael Phelps: Wait, THIS isn’t a swimming pool!
Intimidating guard (laughing): Oh, Phelps!
Corporate Spy
Intimidating guard with lanyard and official looking polo: What are you doing in this classified area!?
Michael Phelps: Wait, THIS isn’t a swimming pool!
Intimidating guard (laughing): Oh, Phelpsy!
Dancer for Money
Slimy middle-aged man with an overbite and an abundant belly: Dance, monkey.
Michael Phelps (crying): (Cry noises)
Commercials for any number of products
(Intimidating side effects of a drug)
Michael Phelps: Now I’m ready for a swim!
(More side effects)
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