The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘shark week’

Chum Week

Dear TV,

Have I got an idea for YOU!

Shark Week.

We all know it, we all love it, or at least pretend to love it to take part in mentioning it over and over. It’s a week of TV, and it’s all about sharks. Where do they shop? What do they eat? What’s their biggest fear (water spiders? do those exist?)? Etc, etc.

Sharks, sharks, sharks.

But what about the little guys who help bring us that grand affair, huh? What about the chum?


Recently I saw my brother and I was wearing this shirt. He asked if I was making a statement about shark week … you know, think of the little guy. Thus – THIS POST!

For example, maybe there are some recipes for chum that even people would like. Mmmm, smells tasty mom! Is that various fish parts and blood?! Yum! Wait, now with seasoning!? Aw mom, you’re the best!!

What was the chum up to before it was caught, thrown into some factory-sized blender, and cranked out in buckets to attract our pals at SHARK WEEK?

And hey, speaking of chums, maybe we profile some famous buddies in addition to the fish guts. Didn’t Abraham Lincoln hang out with Nikola Tesla, or did I just make up that entirely false bit of trivia just this moment?

I don’t know, you’ll have to tune into Chum Week to find out.

(P.S. Naturally, chum week will have to occur right before shark week. It is only fitting.)

De Jour of the Week (8/4/10)

I saw the headline to get you to click on this CNN video, and the headline was “If a shark Attacks, hit it here.” And yes, I’m pretty sure they had the A capitalized on attacks. No idea why. Anyhow – it inspired this poem.

If a Shark Attacks, Hit it Here

(by Jaws’ cousin, Todd)

The news comes on every day
With the same basic message said in a different way:
Death, struggle, triumphs and tribulations
Caused by taxes, toil, emotional and physical ammunitions.

For the short summertime we sharks are in a rut
It’s “shark attack” this and “beach advisory” that
You’ve got this blame-game down pat!

The world continues with its usual woes and wails
But the ‘exclusive-interview-with-the-survivor’ ship sets its sails
A story called ‘In case of shark attack, hit it here’?!?!
But the hit has already been delivered, my dear.

You think I’m all instincts, not intellectually smart –
But I’ve also got a tender, feeling heart –
So the next time you hear, “man fends of shark!”
That’s slander!
Please don’t insult me by taking a gander.

Now if you’ll excuse me,
Above me I see
A very slow, long-limbed seal
And he’ll make a delicious meal
(But wait – do seals have long limbs?
Ah well!, like cousin J said, “it’s bound to be delicious if it swims!”)

Oh yeah and I’ve got a Facebook page now called … ready for it?! … “Get Brad Stanley Published.” Join up!!

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