The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘Weekly Wacko 142’

Babysitter Quiz

About a year ago I was visiting family in Arizona. We were all together for Christmas and it afforded me an opportunity to be a punk cousin (which is a delightful thing to be).

My sister was talking to two of my cousins who are in high school about the idea of them babysitting her child. My cousins are smart, and they have both babysat before so I think they are qualified (plus that whole family thing). My sister was excited about the idea of having them as potential sitters. I jokingly reprimanded my sister for so readily allowing them to babysit without putting them through any sort of test. She said I could go ahead and ask them questions to check their babysitter readiness levels.

I don’t know exactly what I asked, but I know at some point I was asking questions about Bigfoot. When they passed that part I moved on to a clever version of Bigfoot, who would disguise himself and attempt to trick them.

With my credibility now established, I would like to give you three key questions to ask any kid who thinks he/she is good enough to babysit your child/children.


1 – What is the sporks greatest fear?

(This will challenge their ability to think on their feet and deal with the unexpected. Why would a babysitter need to be mentally quick? Oh I don’t know, maybe because kids are f-ing crazy.)


2 – You can only have tuna fish sandwiches for the rest of your life, how many times a day do you brush your teeth?

(This one checks if they are easily grossed out, if so, they probably shouldn’t be around kids. Especially not your kids, because they are particularly smelly.)


3 – Does your mom or dad work in a science laboratory, or perhaps chemical plant?

(Let’s be honest, your kid is probably not a super hero. But MAYBE, if you are lucky, your babysitter has a parent who works at a place with crazy chemicals and through some work accident the kid will end up with a syringe full of potential in their backpack and it will end up mutating your child into something truly awesome.)

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