The intellectual equivalent of a ham sandwich.

Posts tagged ‘quiz’

Grey’s Anatomy, and You

Earlier today I took a quiz, “Can you name every Grey’s Anatomy doctor?”

This got me thinking, am I spending my free time intelligently? Aren’t there countless projects I would like to work on? Aren’t there also a lot of projects I don’t want to work on but they need to get done anyway? Have I ever even watched more than one episode of Grey’s Anatomy?  Why do I ignore, so often, what are far better uses of my time?

I decided to take one more quiz to clear my head. This one is, “Do you know the rules of Calvinball?”

Ok, just finished that quiz and I also failed. This is absurd though. I have read EVERY single Calvin and Hobbes comic! Did this guy just make up random rules to be in line with Calvin? That wouldn’t surprise me. That’d be pretty clever actually.

Here’s what I’ll do: I’ll re-read every Calvin and Hobbes and then resume self-reflection for self-improvement and then I’ll mow the lawn.

How Sensitive Are Your Guy Friends?

Recently my lady pal and I were talking about my friends and she said of one of them, “I think he’s more sensitive than you guys realize.”

Do You Have Sensitive Guy Friends?

Could it be true? Could one of your friends be a sensitive guy? If you yourself are a stereotypical guy, how can you learn? You’re in luck, dear reader, the answer is here in this test.

Q1. Hey buddy, how do you feel?
a. Hungry
b. Tired
c. What?
d. Full of emotions

The real answer? It’s a trick question. If you’re asking a question that has the word “feel” in it, you’re the emotional one.


Q2. We’ve now reached a point in our lives where we’re a little older and our respective relationships are inherently more serious because of that. You guys want to rent, ah who am I kidding I own it, you guys want to watch Love Actually and discuss the current state of our relationships?
a. Ok.
b. Oh my God you’re dying, aren’t you?
c. I think Love Actually presents kind of an unrealistic view of relationships. Yes, there are sad stories in the movie but the happy stories are just SO over the top it’s clearly a movie. You know? What about a more realistic and honest dialogue about what love is using a movie like Star Wars Episode VI? That has elements of love in friendships, conflicted family ties, and romance.
d. Dude I’m gonna eat so much ice cream my tears are gonna be sweet instead of salty.

If you have a friend that answered (c) you should ask that person what they thought of Star Wars, episodes 1, 2 or 3 and see what happens. It’ll be a riot.


Q3. Do you guys think, if you have a son, you’ll raise that kid like you were raised? I just ask because … I don’t know, I don’t really know how to talk about emotions with guys and it probably dates back to how I am with my dad.
a. Dude. I really appreciate you being brave enough to say that. But you know what? You’re never going to change that behavior with your future children if you can’t change who you are now. You think having a kid will suddenly make you a fountain of emotions, and that you’ll pour your emotions out … like a fountain … pours water? No. You need to keep being brave and start making that change right here, right now. Tell me, really, how are you feeling?
b. So … You don’t wanna grab lunch?
c. If I play my cards right, my children will be pro athletes by age 20, and they can hire people to raise me … Because I fully plan on staying in a state of arrested development. UP TOP!
d. That’s not what your mom said last night!

If your friend gave answer (b) it is because he is hiding from his emotions. And let me tell you, dear reader, you don’t play hide and go seek with emotions because in the end they seek you out and make you pay for hiding.


There you have it. You now know how to separate your sensitive friends from your non-sensitive friends. That’s not to say your other friends can’t feel feelings, it’s just that they may identify most readily with anger. In order to placate them, talk about emotions while doing some emotionally soothing activity like going to the batting range or shooting guns. Or, if these options scare you (as they should): try booze.

Babysitter Quiz

About a year ago I was visiting family in Arizona. We were all together for Christmas and it afforded me an opportunity to be a punk cousin (which is a delightful thing to be).

My sister was talking to two of my cousins who are in high school about the idea of them babysitting her child. My cousins are smart, and they have both babysat before so I think they are qualified (plus that whole family thing). My sister was excited about the idea of having them as potential sitters. I jokingly reprimanded my sister for so readily allowing them to babysit without putting them through any sort of test. She said I could go ahead and ask them questions to check their babysitter readiness levels.

I don’t know exactly what I asked, but I know at some point I was asking questions about Bigfoot. When they passed that part I moved on to a clever version of Bigfoot, who would disguise himself and attempt to trick them.

With my credibility now established, I would like to give you three key questions to ask any kid who thinks he/she is good enough to babysit your child/children.


1 – What is the sporks greatest fear?

(This will challenge their ability to think on their feet and deal with the unexpected. Why would a babysitter need to be mentally quick? Oh I don’t know, maybe because kids are f-ing crazy.)


2 – You can only have tuna fish sandwiches for the rest of your life, how many times a day do you brush your teeth?

(This one checks if they are easily grossed out, if so, they probably shouldn’t be around kids. Especially not your kids, because they are particularly smelly.)


3 – Does your mom or dad work in a science laboratory, or perhaps chemical plant?

(Let’s be honest, your kid is probably not a super hero. But MAYBE, if you are lucky, your babysitter has a parent who works at a place with crazy chemicals and through some work accident the kid will end up with a syringe full of potential in their backpack and it will end up mutating your child into something truly awesome.)

%d bloggers like this: